(0:00)Cold Open & Introduction: Rosalyn, Kenneth & PF
Where in the Bible does it say that you have to get married? Marriage is good . Marriage is desirable. But there is no obligation. There is no obligation in anything that society says we should do . Do you have any children. In fact, some idiots will tell you that if you don't have children through vaginal birth, right? If you have a cesarean section, you're not a woman. It's crazy. No filter. Hello everyone. Welcome back to PF unfiltered. I am Rosa Noa and I am here with Kenneth Onik Bende. Hello. Hello. Yes I know. A minute has passed. It's been a minute since I think we've both been here, right? Yes. At the same time. Yes. I wish I could say it's only been a minute since I've been here. Well, and also that I'm always here. You're here in every episode, dude. But it's a lot of fun. Yes. And PF without a filter. Pastor FeiO. They said no, that I always do the same thing. So let me do something different. Maybe I should dance a little. Break dance. Gang signs. Wait. Alright. OK. Alright . Alright. Alright. No, no, no gang signs. But no, today's topic is going to be very, very good. I think it's something that many of us Christians struggle with, and it's like, who are you? Do you know what your identity is in Christ? Who are you in Christ? So, how do you feel when someone asks you who Kenneth is? What would you say? I feel like the question is as if I don't know what my identity is in Christ . I think that's the problem. I'm simply going after my identity. So, in my case, I think that growing up I've always linked it to socioeconomic status. I'm not going to
(1:44)Kenneth: "I've Always Attached My Identity to Socioeconomic Status"
lie, since I was a child, I knew that people who were richer and had more money were simply treated well. So I wanted to reach that same level and be identified by that. So for a large part of my life, that was the drive, what I was trying to achieve, the identity I was trying to reach. That's why I went to the school I went to. That's why I chose that specialization. Which school did you go to? Uh, Texas&M. Okay. What was Texas like? How does TexasM help you get into one of the best engineering schools in the world? Oh, God. Oh my God. Do n't know. People say that people go to Texas&M. Texas&M is a cult. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, little sister. She goes to that school. Which school did you go to? I went to Texas Tech because I went to West Texas Tech. Yes. Wow. Oh. That's worse than&M. Is it worse than &M? Have you been to Lobach? I mean , Lobok is like, yeah. So now we say it's a university town. It is literally a university town. Is it a university? Yes, because if I only asked... I'm not. Anyway, if the university weren't there, that town would be very similar to...Yes. So, even though the university is there, the town is still very much like... I think that's life or something. I went to the cheesecake factory in Labok. Oh, really? Yes. And I've never seen a cheesecake factory that shouldn't have been called Cheesecake Factory. Wait, what? It should have been like... It should have been like... if you like Cheesecake Factory, you'll like what we have here. Oh. And that was like ... I don't know if it's a good name. It isn't. It isn't. My daughter went to Lobach. I see. I see. I had one daughter who went to Lobach and I had one who went to Lobach, the one who went to Lobach couldn't get out fast enough. He ended up transferring to Austin. Oh. Yes. The schools were very good. She enjoyed them all and stayed. I discovered that she had to go to therapy because I forced her to go to Lok. But anyway, I think... What about you, Ben? I think for me it's been like a roller coaster, like when I say who Roselyne is, who am I? Definitely, at first I was just trying to fit in with groups of friends. I wanted to belong. So I adopted other people's personalities instead of being myself or pleasing others. She always said yes, that she
(4:26)Rosalyn: "I Took on Other People's Personalities to Fit In"
could do this and that. And I never discovered who I was until I started to become an adult and realized that trying to be a second clone or being a yes-to-everyone person doesn't get you anywhere, right? So thank God that I am in Christ and I am learning many new things . Amen. I think the challenge is the process by which we develop
(4:54)PF: How Identity Is Formed — "The Goalpost Is Not Determined By You"
identity, right? When a child is born, he has no idea who he is. Yes of course. So you look to the people around you to tell you who you are. Even your gender, so to speak, whether I am male or female, is defined by the people around you. Then they start telling you that you're a boy and they dress you in blue and those kinds of colors , and that tells you that you're a boy, you know? So, you don't determine the objective . It is determined by the people around you, the society you are in. And then, as you get older, the circle of people that defines you changes. They are no longer your parents or your siblings. Then it becomes your group of friends, your peer group, your work colleagues, and all that stuff. And it's all very problematic because whatever parameters define us, apart from parameters like , for example, nature, which defines you as a man or a woman, those things are constant. Yes. That's right. You are a man until the day you die, and you are a woman until the day you die. TRUE? But everything else changes. All the parameters that define us change. So, when they say, "Oh, you're just a student." TRUE? If someone asks you when you were 15 years old, "Who are you?", you say, "Well, I'm a student." That changes things, right? And then you become a spouse, right? And that changes because now you're a father, right? And all those things are temporary, right? But what we always fail to do is say, "Well, what does the person who made me say about me?" The person who tells us that this is a computer is
(6:42)The Apple Analogy: Who Gets to Define You?
the person who made the computer, right? Apple says this is a MacBook, this is an iPad, this is an iPhone. Apple determines the identity of whatever it does. Yes. We look at the functionality of each one. But if Apple decides today that it's going to start calling iPhones MacBooks, that's what they'll be called. If Apple decides today that it will no longer call them phones. They're going to start calling them minicomputers, aren't they? That's how everyone will accept them, right? Because we expect Apple to define the product for us. But we don't expect God to define us. We expect everyone around us to define us. We expect the things that surround us to define us. So, like this guy said, Kenneth said, right? He defined himself by his socioeconomic status, didn't he? And that's a cultural thing. It's a social thing. We define ourselves, men, many men would define themselves by, and I say "themselves" because I 'm no longer in that gang, they would define themselves by their earning capacity, right? Or because of their financial status, right? And women would define themselves by their marital status, wouldn't they? You know, and when you
(8:01)Men Define Themselves by Money. Women by Marriage. Both Are Wrong.
're not married or you don't have money, there's something wrong with you. It's not just "I want to get married" or "I want money," your whole identity is tied to it, and if you get it and lose it, or get a job, everyone sees you as that guy who has a seven-figure job. The day you lose that job, it's like, "Who are you?" I even wanted to bring it up again because something you said, especially now that we're getting to that point , let's say you discover who you are, you get married and have children. And in that sense, people forget who they were and become " I'm just a mother, I'm just a wife." And it's like, how is it possible that you don't have a good foundation? As if you had lost yourself and now only knew yourself as a mother and as a wife. It's inevitable, isn't it? The lucky people are those who have linked or identified themselves, have linked their identities to things they have not lost. TRUE? So you're linking it to your career, right? And it's okay because you're doing the same career until the day you die. So you don't really have a crisis or get attached to, you know, you identify with I'm a married man or I'm a married woman and you don't lose the marriage until the day you die. But what happens when something changes that status? And then you have an identity crisis. And many of us are struggling with that right now because we have identified
(9:32)If You Get It and Lose It — Then What?
with things that a) we have no control over and b) tend to be transient. TRUE? And that's why I went back to the manufacturer, right? The manufacturer's perception or definition of you is constant. It doesn't change. Our challenge is whether we can accept the manufacturer's definition, society's definition, or our own personal definition. Correct. Correct. So, if this is what people say—oh, I don't identify with my marital status, I don't identify with
(10:01)The Manufacturer's Definition Never Changes
my financial situation—well, if you don't have those things, how do you see yourself? Do you see yourself as a person worthy of respect and honor? Do you see yourself as valuable, right? Do you see yourself as someone who's up there, or do you lower your shoulders a little , right? Do you see value in yourself regardless of what you have, what you've accomplished, or your relationships, right? It doesn't say that you are an amazingly and wonderfully made husband, that you are an amazingly and wonderfully made employee, or an amazingly and wonderfully made rich person . Yes. I would say that's where the problem lies, because if they lost everything because we have so many things linked to physical tests, like this one, which is proof that I am this. And then someone who created me, God, this holy person is calling me in a fearful and wonderful way, made all this for me and that third one, the best sliced bread or whatever. And it's as if I have nothing. I did nothing for you. I don't deserve this. So it 's hard to believe. What did the phone do to remember the phone? It was useful. No, they took it out, they did it, they did it and said it was a phone. Correct. Correct. And it became a telephone and worked like a telephone. They put all the components of a phone into it. Correct. But it didn't exist as a phone until it came into our hands and we started making calls with it, sending text messages with it, and browsing the web with it. Correct? What I'm trying to say is this. When God created you, right, like the scripture you quoted about how I was created in a reckless and wonderful way, right? But there is a scripture that says we are his workmanship, created in Christ for good works. So we were made in an admirable and wonderful way for a purpose, right? We were not made in an admirable and wonderful way. Good . How do I know I was created faithfully and wonderfully? I have a
(12:01)"Fearfully and Wonderfully Made" — What It Actually Means
seven-figure income. I have a wife, two children, and a sheepdog. Correct. Correct. Are you achieving anything? Are you moving in the direction of your purpose? And the purpose is not always material or relational success as the world defines success. Pablo, for example, was a single man, right? Would anyone say that Pablo was a failure, right? He was not a rich man. He made a living by running stores, right ? He was a craftsman, right? A worker. And then he ended up in jail. Yes. That's right. And he died in prison. All the apostles died badly. Yes. That's right. Nobody would call them rich men. Correct. So, where did we get the definition of wealth? Where did we get this idea? Clear. That wealth reflects God's will for our lives. Clear. So, is that where we'll say the difficulty of finding ourselves lies, because
(13:04)Paul Was Single, Poor, and Died in Jail. Was He a Failure?
we're having these identity crises and trying to be the deception of everyone else about what we should be and how we're not like everyone else? It's not like everyone else's . Yes. I think I also know that you mentioned the manufacturer, the idea of this person who made something so that they know the form or the function. I think that for us, like many of us, even Christians, or perhaps I would say before we became Christians and came to know Christ, we are not aware of that maker. Mhm. I do n't think many people know that so absolutely. Absolutely. But but but then it's okay, you don't know there's a manufacturer, right? In a certain sense. In a sense, okay, let's start from that point, right? So, the first step in trying to find yourself is to find out who made you. Yes of course. Because right now I call myself a telephone because everyone says I'm a telephone. Do you know what I mean? I look around and say, "Well, you know what? I have a camera here. I have two buttons here. I must be a phone. But so does a MacBook. So does an iPad." TRUE? If you spend enough time in the world, you will find many more people who will confuse you about your identity. Exactly. You simply say, "Well, the first step is fine from a logical point of view , right?" And we value rational logic a lot, right? Who am I? I need to talk to the person who made me, right? It would be a challenge if I didn't believe that a higher being exists . I believe I am the random product of a random collision. Yes. Of atoms. Clear. But then that's problematic because there's too much order in me. There is too much harmony in me. In my opinion , there are too many systems and processes for them to be random, and there are too many. It is not just one thing that sustains life in a human body. There are multiple systems and processes that require a level of intellectual capacity that transcends what the average human or the most intelligent human can create. Yes of course. Just to maintain blood circulation. Clear. To maintain the sensation in the skin, everything that enters it should tell you that there is much more to your existence than just "I am," and if you can think and come to that conclusion, then that person or being, in philosophy, we say is the unmoved mover, the uncreated creator, the first cause. When you reach the point where you realize that there is an uncreated creator, then the question is: what am I? What am I? Good. So, there are certain things I established, right? From my body, I am a man. I am male. Clear. Clear. But the definition of man varies according to society. In my culture, a man is someone who provides. Clear. But in our
(16:01)God Did Not Define Manhood by Financial Provision
current society, my wife earns more than I do. So, am I no longer a man? Because God did not define manhood by financial provision. If I define manhood by financial provision, I'm going to have an identity crisis when my wife starts earning more than me. I'm going to have an identity crisis if I lose my job and my wife is the breadwinner . TRUE? And many men are there, struggling and depressed because they feel less because they don't have the financial resources to live up to that definition of a man. And they will quote the scriptures. A man who does not provide for his family is worse than an unfaithful man. TRUE? A wise man lives as an inheritance for his children's children. And I think, well, where does this say that provision is financial? And where does this say that an inheritance is material? Right? A godly inheritance is leaving the knowledge of God to your children's children. You transmit. When God wanted to reward Abraham , right? He didn't say, "Open up, I'm going to reward you with tons of money." He said, "I will be your exceedingly great reward." If I pass on the knowledge of God to my children, and they pass on the knowledge of God to their children, I am the most successful man I could ever be. But I can give them money and the money will kill them in 5 seconds, corrupt them in 2 seconds. So, if you read Proverbs 31, which we're talking about, it talks about a woman who is sitting in the marketplace,
(17:32)Proverbs 31: The Wife Earned the Money. The Husband Did Politics.
doing all these things, financial things. It is generating significant revenue. Yes. That's right. So that her husband can do what? Sitting at the doors. Sitting at the gates, doing politics, and being influential. That's a contradiction. If a man is defined by the amount of money he brings home, our societies and our culture say that's not what the Bible says. God does not define you. The Bible says that God does not judge man by the abundance of his material possessions. TRUE? So, if your identity is tied to your material possessions, you and your creator are on divergent paths. TRUE? Society says you are a woman. TRUE? Okay. Biology says you're a woman. You have female systems, right? But in some societies you have to get married, right? In some cultures. Where does the Bible say you have to get married? Marriage is good. Marriage is desirable. But there is no obligation. Yes. There is no obligation to do anything that society tells us we should do. Yes of course. Do you have any children. Yes. If you don't have them, in fact, some stupid people will tell you that you don't have children by vaginal birth, right? If
(18:55)"If You Don't Have Children by Vaginal Delivery, You're Not a Woman" — Madness.
you have a cesarean section, you're not a woman. It's crazy. It's crazy. Where does the Bible say that? It's the culture. Culture. So we take all these things and define ourselves by them. But what the creator says about us, we ignore. Yes. And if you lived your life, wouldn't you, defining yourself by what society says, so I'm a man because I have a job? One day you will lose your job. I am a man because I am healthy and strong. One day you will be weak, won't you? I am a man because I am in this position of authority. One day you find yourself in the opposite situation. So what do you do? Then comes an identity crisis. Correct. Correct. So, when you talk about that, you mentioned the uncreated creator, the prime mover, the first cause, right? Logically speaking, right? I have decided or realized that this being, this person, exists. What are the first steps to finding that person and also finding the right person or the right being? Because people say it all the time. I'm looking for something like a meaning or, you know, a creator, right? They could end up anywhere, even if they only follow that logic, but how? I do n't think you can end up anywhere, helping them, I do n't think you'll end up anywhere, I do n't think you can end up
(20:24)Finding God vs. Having a Relationship with God
anywhere, I think you'll find God, right? And I believe that all religions , not all, a couple of religions, recognize God, monothesis. Yes. The heavens declare the glory of the Lord. So, people look to the sky like Abraham did, right? And they think, there must be someone who put all this together. They look at themselves in the mirror. Someone must have put all this together. Now, finding God and having a relationship with God are two different things, right? You know there is a God, but you cannot get close to him. And many people reach that point, right? Where they think, "Well, I want to get closer to this God." And we all inherently know that to reach this God, we have to be better than we are. TRUE? So we started trying to be better than we are. TRUE? We start, you know, by trying to follow the laws of A, B, C, E, F, G, 63, right? Obey these laws and you will have access to this God because we recognize that this God is not on our level. Yes of course. And then you get to a point where you think, "I can't, I can't. I want to, I need to get close to this God, but I can't. I keep failing. Whatever His standards are, I 'm not meeting them. Right? Whatever His expectations are, I'm falling short. Anyone who's honest will come to the conclusion that, well, I want to be close to this God, but I'm incapable of doing it on my own. That's why Christ steps in. Right? And then Christ says, 'I am the way, I am the truth, I am the life.' No one comes to the Father. He says no one comes to God. Yes. So no one comes to the Father. So you can come to God. You can acknowledge God, but you can't—He ca
(22:03)Everything Else Is Like Taking a Shower with Your Clothes On
n't be your Father— unless you come through Christ. And what we long for, right? That father-son, father-daughter relationship with God, right? Everything else is like taking a shower with your clothes on, right? You're constantly striving and you never feel truly fulfilled. And some people just They say, "Well, that's life." But there's more to it. And Christ is the way for when it's okay, let's say, for example , that I'm going to put myself on this journey with Christ, you know, building this relationship with God, you know,
(22:42)What Does God Say About Beauty? (It's Not What the World Says)
also trying to unpack all these things that I learned and thought were mine, like, for example, beauty . So I'm finding all these scriptures where God calls me beautiful, and remember, before we had two different opinions, not about whether you're beautiful. I do n't think so, but I mean, what God considers beautiful, beautiful, right? And I guess from my point of view, I guess the way I look up these scriptures is because I want to see myself as beautiful because growing up I would hear things like, "Oh, you're too dark," or "You're ugly." You know, I would just say these things and think, "Maybe I am." Maybe that's why I haven't gotten married yet." Or something like that. And now I'm on this path with Christ, my creator, and He tells me I'm beautiful. But then there's a deeper meaning that goes beyond physical appearance. Right. And this is a challenge I have. Yes. We define things the same way the world defines them. Yes. For example, prosperity. Yes. We define prosperity as material wealth. Even though God says that a man's life does not consist of an abundance of material things, when God says a person is beautiful, right? Is He saying that a person is physically attractive in the way the world defines beauty? Right? Because there is a definition of beauty in the world. The world considers beautiful people who have symmetrical features. Your left and your right are exactly the same. Right? There's a certain aesthetic that the world considers beautiful. Does God agree with the world? I just want to say that when you tell someone, when you share that scripture, you know, God says you're beautiful, they're captivated and enthralled by you, If you don't explain to a person what God means, you further reinforce in their mind that God is telling them to conform to some universal or cultural standard of beauty, right? And every time they're confronted with the idea that they don't fit that standard or framework, there's a problem. There's a problem. God isn't saying you're beautiful in the way Americans define beauty or the way Nigerians, Cameroonians, Ghanaians, Australians, or Kenyans define beauty. Right. He's saying that in His eyes, when He created you, you were beautiful. And that should be enough for you. I'm just
(25:20)I Made You That Dark Because I Wanted You That Dark
saying that should be enough for you. That God thinks I'm beautiful. Because they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Right? If the God who made the heavens and the earth said, "I made you this dark because I wanted you to be this dark," right? I bake all the
(25:36)The Cake Analogy: God Made You for Himself, Not for Others
time, right? I bake for others and I bake for myself, right? And when I bake things for myself, right? You may not like it, but I do, for example, I like my cakes with a thick crust. Yes. I don't need them to be wet. And I like my cakes with a crust where you can taste their sweetness, you know? This is how I like my cakes. But I know I can't give you that kind of cake. Yes, we will accept it . Clear. Yes. But that's how I like my cakes. Clear. So, if someone asks me, "Fei, what's a good cake?" Clear. See? Yes. The one with a thick rind. With a thick crust. Clear. A thick cake. Clear. That's how I like it. Clear. Clear. Someone else says, "No, dude. That's you. I made this cake, and I made it for me. I did n't make it for you. I made it for myself. God didn't make us for other people's enjoyment. He made us for himself ." And he looks at you as if to say, "Wow, you're beautiful. I'm captivated by you." Right? But what we try to do is convince them that God is saying they fit in . It's not about fitting in. Why do you care if you fit in? It's not about Him telling you that so you feel better about fitting in. Oh, no, no, no. They are lying. You fit in. Forget about them. Clear. To me, you are perfect and I am the only person who matters. Yes. I made you. Why should you care what other people say? That is why the Bible says that we should not compare ourselves to ourselves. Yes. So, what we do is interpret that God is saying in the comparison, right?, that He has asked you not to do that, yes, you are better than that person or you are good. No, you're not supposed to compare yourself to yourself, are you? When God, Jesus Christ, told the parable of a man who went on a mission, on a journey, and gave his
(27:29)The Parable of Talents: Why the Guy with 5 Wasn't Better Than the Guy with 2
disciples, his employees, talents. He gave five to one, two to another, and one to another . He said to each according to his ability. You and I will look at the guy with five and he says he had more. That wasn't the case. We see the guy with two and he says he had more. No, no, no, no, no, no. God gave them what the master gave them, what he made them for. And we know this because when the guy with five doubled his amount, he got 10, right? And the guy with two doubled his, he got four. There's no duplication of the guy who duplicated two to get 10. God never intended us to look the same, right? And when we compare ourselves to ourselves, we don't use their metrics. So, the guy with five and the guy with two, you and I, we say that the guy with five was better, right? Because at the end of the day, when God was giving them rewards for their duplication, He didn't give more to the guy with 10. The words were exactly the same. So, in the eyes of God, right? You know, when you look at conventional beauty standards, right? In America, for example, yeah, you know, a person is considered beautiful if they're a size two, and yesterday I saw a famous movie star on social media and looking at her with my Nigerian eyes, I thought, "This is a toothpick." I said this is a stick figure, but, my God, you should
(29:00)The Toothpick: Nigerian Eyes vs. American Beauty Standards
have heard the comments about how beautiful it was. I thought, "This one looks sick. Take that one to Africa. They'll want to feed it and tell you to eat. No one will find it attractive." So what is God saying? You are attractive in Nigeria. You are attractive in the United States. You understand what I mean. Yes. Clearly that can't be what he's saying. No. He's saying that in my eyes you're perfect. I armed you intentionally. So don't worry about that. Don't even think about it. Don't compare yourself to someone who's a stick figure here and someone who's, you know, Miss Universe somewhere else. The standards are so arbitrary. Mhm. Why do you want to compare yourself to people who don't even know who they are? Mhm. TRUE? That's the problem I have when you say the Bible says this, right? We tend to interpret the Bible in a way that is sometimes superficial . I guess that's where I guess it
(30:06)We Interpret the Bible in Superficial Ways
's difficult, as a person, to believe that this is how God sees me, especially when you've been hearing the opposite for years . It's about breaking that conditioning of the type: " Yes, yes, it's difficult." I know it's difficult. I grew up hearing how dark-skinned she was, right? My eyes are always bloodshot. I have a gray circle around my eyes. I grew up hearing a lot of negative things about myself. So I didn't grow up thinking I was a gift from God to the world, did I? And that's saying it very well. But as I came to know God and began to seek Him as the reason for my existence. Yes. Then, how I looked to the world began to matter less.
(31:06)PF: "I Grew Up Hearing a Lot of Very Negative Things About Myself"
How it sounded in the eyes of the world began to matter less. The timbre of my voice. What started to matter to me was whether God said I was perfect, right? So there is a reason for it and a purpose for it. I may never win a Mr. Universe contest in the United States, Nigeria, or the Middle East, right? But that is not my purpose. M. So, when you want to replace all those things you grew up with and your identity of wanting to know, like having money or wanting to be like everyone else and for everyone to be like me. How do we replace those negative identities with what Christ wants us to know, like? We found God. We discovered that Christ is the way to the
(32:00)How to Replace Negative Identity with What Christ Says
Father. So, what's next? The next question is, what does He say about you? Can you? Because I think this is very important and we don't have time . Can you summarize it? I would say that perhaps the key to the scriptures is, like, what would someone say, like all of us who are in this room and are watching, or maybe we've just started? What you could tell them is that these are the keys. The first thing is the writing: I, in a wondrous and fearful way, was woven in my mother's womb, so let me explain to you what that means. It means everything about you physically, for example. Yes. It was put there intentionally. Yes. That's right. Because? Correct. Start with those questions. Correct. I think asking why is a good start. Correct. Why am I on this planet? Why do I look the way I do? Why am I from where I'm from? Correct. That lack of curiosity, yes. It does us a disservice. Yes. When you start trying to find meaning in your life, then the issue of your appearance, your money, and all those things become secondary, right? Because then you begin to understand that the reason this phone looks the way it does is because it serves a function as a phone. My appearance serves a purpose, right? I don't always understand it, but I know that there are people who listen to me in a particular way because of my appearance, right? And there are people who take me seriously because of my appearance. You understand? I know that everything about me, right, affects the way I preach the gospel. Do you know what I mean? But in order for me to accept that, first of all, I had to accept my calling. Correct. Correct. Why are you here? Correct. Your appearance is an accessory , right, to do what you are called to do. Your financial situation is an accessory. It's a tool to do what you're meant to do. If I had all the money in the world, I
(34:13)Your Looks Are an Accessory to Do What You're Called to Do
promise you I wouldn't be a pastor. I wouldn't do it . It's too frustrating. It's too much. There are many insults and
(34:22)If I Had All the Money in the World, I Would Not Be a Pastor
disrespect that come with being a pastor. Everyone thinks you're trying to steal money. I wouldn't do it. My pride will not allow me to let these senseless people tell me that it's because they are giving me a titan's offering . That's why my ego won't accept it. Then God, you know, takes away my choice. It gives other people an option. He didn't give it to me . I have no money. So I have to do it. I ca n't afford to walk away from it because he's also made sure that's the only place I get paid. So it's a tool. Yes. Everything is designed to make things easier, even the way I was trained. My mother had me when she was 18 years old. That's to make what I do easier. Correct. So instead of resenting all these things, right? Find the reasons for them. Yes. My tendencies towards, you know, my attraction to people. Not anymore, not anymore , oh, you know, I just like people. No, no, no, no, no. I am a person who brings people together. Yes. It's a natural instinct. I don't even do it intentionally, but people are drawn to me. It's not because it's so great or so nice. It is because it is for the work of the ministry. Correct? So now I tell people that I am a pastor . I was created to be a shepherd. Correct? I was formed in my mother's womb. My conception, the moment of everything was to facilitate grazing. Correct? My identity is not pastor. I'm a pastor, right? I was created to do this. So everything, everything around me was added to do that. My wife, I married the woman I married or God gave me. In fact, I tell people all the time, the Bible says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor." "But the Bible says a prudent wife is a gift from God. Right? My wife was a gift from God. Other than that, I don't know if there's another woman on this planet who can tolerate me because I am...I am...I am...I am a problem. You can tolerate me because people think they can put up with the PF, they can put up with the PF, they can put up with me for an hour or two or three, maybe a day, maybe two days, a week, and they'll think, 'Is this a human being?'" " I think the only one who could have tolerated me is AK, right? And anyone else would have either killed me or walked away from me because all the things I needed to do this job... are problematic in a relationship with certain people. Right. Right. So, what I'm trying to say is this. We tie our identity to what we have and what we do. Right? Tie your identity
(37:18)We Attach Our Identity to What We Have. Attach It to What God Says.
to what God says. Right? It's a process. I used to think it was enough to just affirm yourself daily. I am a wonderful, amazing creation. I am, you know, I am beautiful. And I thought that would work. But the problem is, the way we define those things clashes with the way the world defines them. Hmm. And you would literally have to suspend your intellectual capacity to think that you are in line with what the world says. When the Bible says we are rich in Christ Jesus, for example, man, you don't have any money in your pocket. So you go and say, 'I am a rich man.'" "I am a rich man." That is your identity. You continue to use the world's definition of wealth to identify yourself. You're using the world's definition of beauty, aren't you? You are trying to impose the world's definition of wealth, the world's definition of beauty, the definition of this, the definition of that of the world on what God is saying. And that doesn't work. What is God saying about you? Right? Discover the meaning. Don't accept it only on a superficial level because it will clash with what you already understand that word means. And every time the word falls short of the definition you've imposed on it, you'll have that crisis again. That's why we're up and down. We're up and down. Today we are beautiful. We won't be tomorrow . Today we are rich. We won't be tomorrow . Today I am a man. I won't be tomorrow. Because we are imposing definitions on things without understanding the intention of the person who spoke. Does it make sense? Yes. Yes, it does. Yes. My great wisdom has silenced you. No no. Thank you for helping us understand, and I just want to ask our audience, how have you defined yourself so far? I hope
(39:17)Kenneth: "How Have You Defined Yourself Up to Now?"
this talk has helped you ask yourself questions like: "P.S., be curious." Yes. Why were you made the way you are? Yes. There's a reason for that. There's a reason, isn't there? Your eyes are where they are for a reason. Seriously, your nose is there for a reason. There's a reason for the shape of your nose . You may not
(39:39)Your Nose Is There for a Reason. That Shape — There's a Reason.
know it today, but understand that God knows and that in His eyes you are perfect. Stop trying to be what other people are... You have a story. I'm sorry . You have a story. Let's get that plastic surgery . Yes. Because, you know, plastic surgery seems very interesting to me, right?
(40:02)Plastic Surgery: Fitting Your Body into What People Say It Should Be
Plastic surgery involves trying to adapt our body to what we want it to be and what people say it should be. To be, right? And sometimes you have the resources to do it. I'm not going to argue with you. But if you don't have the resources to do it, what are you going to do, sir? Mister. Yes. I was there, there was something that actually, the reason why I said there's a storyline I've been watching in this series called Chosen. I don't know if you've heard of her before, you know? Yes. Yes. And well, I was reading like a story from the Bible where, for example, this man had a problem of not being healed, but he was walking with Jesus and Jesus was telling him that there was a reason for it. Everyone has a story of being healed, but can you imagine your own story where, even though you 're not healed yet, you're healing other people and you keep doing this? As if your story were unique. So when you say that God created you for a reason, that story literally popped into my head, like there was a reason why He created you that way.
(41:02)PF Tried Cocoa Waves. His Wife Said "Respect Yourself."
Imagine why it's going to be so unique. It won't sound like everyone else. And someone else is going to see you and say, "Wow, I can't believe they're doing that." "They'll be inspired by what God did for you. So yeah, that's deeply expressed. I wish we would accept that God is wiser and more creative than anything else. Yeah. You know, if God made you that way, then look for opportunities to express it, right? I don't have a problem with people not being drawn to me or not being attracted to me. I do n't. Right. If you're not drawn to me, you shouldn't be drawn to me, right? Oh, I wish he was like that, you know? I wish he preached like that . There's someone out there preaching the way you like. There is. And no, I do n't have a problem with that. You know, I look— we were talking earlier about social media—and I look at pastors who have, you know, 5 million followers, 20 million views. And can I be honest with you? I don't feel like I look at my 100 or 2,000 followers. You know, I'm like, these are the 1,000 or 2,000 people God has called me to minister to. Hmm. Let me minister to them to the best of my ability , according to what God has given me. Yes. Of course. If He wanted me to, I don't even remember the names of the people I spoke to 10 minutes ago. How am I going to remember the names of 5 million people? I can do all things in Christ
(42:27)I Am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made to Do Excellent Works for God
that He strengthens me, but there are some things He hasn't strengthened me for. Yes . So if you need a pastor who, every time you see him, you know is a man of God, you know I'm not your man, and that's okay, that's fine. The men I'm called to minister to have something in me that God has used to attract me. Now I lean on that, I lean on the feminine because the feminine is what God made. Hmm. So I don't feel bad about anything related to women. Definitely. Well, there are some things I 'm not... Don't feel bad. Don't feel bad. No, there are some things that even God is like, man, Man, bro. You know, but I don't usually look in the mirror and think, why, why, why are you like this? Why is your hair thinning? I'm almost 60. My hair is thinning. Yeah. If people are looking for a pastor with an afro, there are plenty of churches. I saw some guys , some of the guys, you know, that thing they do where they have...the little pinch of... Yeah. What do they call it? When they brush their hair and it sticks up, like tiny little dreadlocks, cocoa waves. Yeah. Like me... Sometimes I look, there's one of my friends, a young guy, who started doing those cocoa waves for me. I like it ...ah, this is good. I like doing it. And one day I combed it and it looked like a rat had been frolicking. It was frolicking in my hair, and the Lord says you better respect yourself. Go back to your... just get your hair cut like mine... tidy for you. You know, if there are pastors that have waves of cocoa, you know, go there. That's why you see your pastor. I know I'm being superficial and all , but the idea is the same, right ? I'm wonderfully and amazingly made to do excellent works for God. Yes. Yes, sir. So yeah, if you liked this episode, definitely leave comments below,
(44:34)Closing: Stop Comparing. Start Being Curious About Yourself.
how do you see yourself? And how does Christ see you? Yes. Ask yourself. Be curious about yourself and let us know so we can talk about it. Great. And stop comparing yourself to yourself. Yes. Do n't. It's a recipe for pain. Stop comparing yourself to yourself. No, to yourself. Oh, so you like other people. Okay. Because I was like, I thought you were okay. Anyway, yeah. Are you okay? Are you okay ? Hey, I was just trying to make sure. Like, comment, and subscribe. And thanks for tuning in, guys. See you in the next one. Bye. Peace. Unfiltered.