(0:00)Why the Church Obsesses Over Marriage
unfilter all right welcome back guys if you're wondering why we have glasses is because we didn't get the memo um that we were supposed to update the Wardrobe you know so just brought some accessories you know unfortunately PF was the only one that got the memo sh will give them the real reason that's why I wearing glasses tell the truth put the devil to sh where did you guys go yesterday thank you PF yeah so guys uh on to to the next yeah um yeah this this this this episode is what what is this episode uh about okay so we realized we've done a quite a bit of episodes and we talked about you know relationship with Christ but not necessarily with each other um and so I'm just gonna put the big question out there PF um do you think that the church either consciously or unconsciously glorifies marriage okay so so so so I've heard this before I think the church glorifies Comfort right marriage is comfortable yeah um marriage is desired marriage is something that most people want the church has made it its business right to give people what they want yeah and that is why you hear a lot about marriage in church one two there a lot of married people in church right right and if we say that the word of God has an answer to every situation or every problem then it makes sense that you will hear a lot about marriage marriage many times is the most important relationship that some folks have right so we're going to talk about it it's it's it's inevitable if if we glorify marriage we're also glorifying being healthy right we're also glorifying being wealthy right because these are states of existence that we as human beings desire long for yearn for and the church has positioned itself as the um the uh dispenser of advice on how to get those things and how to keep those things right and that is why we talk about marriage a lot as we talk about money a lot we talk about healing a lot right yeah that's why do
(2:25)Glorifying Marriage vs. Glorifying Christ
you if you were to rank or marriage money and healing which which one do you feel like the church or the Christian Society in general prioritizes the most when it comes to like conversation the word glorifies implies problematic I don't think it's problematic right I think it's problematic only in the sense that we don't always end up at the true solution right or we don't end up at the real destination and that destination is Christ right the answer to all of Humanity's problems is Jesus the challenges we have in our relationships in our bodies in our lives are a consequence of sin right the solution is to remove the sin yeah and when we remove the sin then things are going to get better to some degree depending on you know a myriad of of of of parameters right but when we talk about these things right as the end as opposed to a means to an end as opposed to a way point on the destination right then I think that is where it gets problematic so using the word glorify I just wanted to quick right we talk about it a lot but it is not a negative talking about it the negativity is that we don't bring use it as a vehicle to bring people to Christ right which is where I think the flaw in the way we talk about it is right um the Bible says count it all joy when you go through different challenges because ultimately it builds your faith faith in who faith in what right the institution of marriage it's two human beings so it's always going to be problematic sometimes it's three even more problematic right even more problematic sometimes it's 700 and we can see the result of of that uh uh profligacy right so ultimately yeah if we are able to say to folks listen you're going through this and it's because of the Fallen nature right the deceitful heart if we can correct the deceitfulness of our hearts then it is easier to live happily ever after with another person right if we can understand how much we have been forgiven then it is much easier to forgive your your spouse right but if we are not talking about Christ yeah we're talking about oh Let It Go forgive so that you can be happy that's a totally different conversation if if what I'm saying makesense it does so ranking honestly it depends on which church you are it depends on what Sunday it is you know so I I I want to give a
(5:18)The 'Pressure' Narrative: A Case Study
scenario right um there is this person this person is is going through something they're doing relatively well for themselves but like they have you know some things that are going through in their personal life right everyone around them in their Christian Community saying ah so so personal you know it's not good for for man to be alone where is where is a and b is like well you know I'm trying to deal it's not like I don't want to get married but like it's not good yeah come on person eventually this person gets married right um and because they've not dealt with whatever it is that they had with themselves prior to going into a relationship um there were issues right this same Community came and said ah you know I know you are thinking about leaving know but the Bible says that what God has put together let no man put us under right so this person is in this relationship going through in my own opinion what I think is absolutely absurd unnecessary but going through that up and down you know doesn't know what to do because the marriage that they are in they felt like they were spiritually pressured into going into it and now the marriage that they want to leave that's causing them serious serious emotional problems they feel like there's spiritual pressure for them to stay in it that sounds like somebody who's blaming someone else is is passing the buck right for their choices so so so so I don't know it is not good for man to be alone statement of fact I think you should go and marry it's my opinion right if you are not ready to marry you're not comfortable with who you're marrying don't turn around and blame me because I encouraged you to married PF you are an upstanding man people don't say it like that ah sh it's my opinion no listen they will remind you every day of how single you are I really don't like your hair I really don't like your you don't no I really don't it bothers me every time I see it I just want to cut it off you know that you know spend time on this hair you realize for you realize that if you cut your hair you'd get a promotion at work that's why you've not gotten promoted I should go and get I should go and cut my hair down because Mak sense I need now now if you cut your hair and then they fire you that's on you on me I had the hair on my head you told me it so why did go why did God give you a brain yeah I again I I understand that
(7:55)Why You Must Take Responsibility
my point is this most of us don't go to church trying to think for ourselves or read the Bible for ourselves waiting for you to give us that that so so the point I'm trying to make is this right again right you have to take responsibility abolutely for your choices God worked really hard to give us choice right he could have made us like robots without choice but he gave us Choice it is a valuable privilege when you throw away your choice right I I honestly that's your responsibility now the people who encouraged you right they can be talking generically right you should marry it has worked for the last five or seven people but you know yourself you should know yourself what work are you doing to know yourself and then you now decide that you know what because of all these people I'm going to marry and you don't do the work right it's not like the resources are not available and even if the resources are not available right okay then you get get married right and in some instances in some instances one person is an angel and one person is a demon in some instances in the vast majority of instances it's two hands clapping it's two demons sorry two in two two people two people sorry right with issues right so this person that is sitting down saying you know what I wasn't ready they pushed me into it now I want to leave they pushing me to stay into it I beg this person needs to take responsibility for their choices right between them and God right let them come to a conclusion right as to how they want to live their life yeah the Bible says that we are not like those people that compare themselves with themselves right so if we're not comparing ourselves with ourselves right then the metrics the parameters with which we make our decisions it is going to be different my mother used to say look at all these fingers none of them are equal that's life so I have two questions the first one the first one is do you think because because tday talked about you know this person hypothetical was pre pressured quote unquote into be married do you think that the church does a good job of not just saying hey it is marriage is good but before you marry here are some things that you think you you should probably start to work on as a person before you decide that you want to enter into this institution there there are there are good churches and there are bad churches there are churches that do and there are churches that don't right there are churches that um um um talk about the preparations for marriage and there are churches that don't there are churches that have a good premarital counseling program and their churches that don't right I don't want to on this topic generalize yeah because all ultimately ultimately if you are working I believe that you can marry anybody wait like so I don't believe in
(11:13)The Big Myth: Soulmates Don't Exist
soulmates oh oh that's a good question you don't believe in soulmates no I don't believe in soulmates because if if they are soulmates there'll be the world would be that means everybody that gets it wrong has messed it up for has messed up for everyone else well don't be Redemption oh okay I see what you're saying so I don't believe in soulmates I believe that we can marry anybody but I believe that with some people it is going to be harder than other people so sorry so you say Mar and you want to clarify so even if it's someone that's okay unequally yolked in terms of like let's say the person is of a different religious oh yeah oh oh wow absolutely you can't who's stop what's what's stopping you what law says you can't Mar is saying can you can can right okay one some people will be more would be more difficult than others right some people because you can doesn't mean you should right but ultimately this is the thing I
(12:03)Fruits of the Spirit vs. Relationship Status
believe that if the fruits of the spirit yeah the Bible says the fruit of the spirit is love and then it breaks love down patience faithfulness kindness gentleness if you are working right on allowing Christ to manifest through you yeah honestly if your spouse is working on manifesting Christ through them you will have a much better marriage than you can imagine because ultimately what makes a marriage successful right are the things that you find in the fruits of the spirit so churches who are not talking about how to be a good husband right I'm not going to say Well they're not doing the job because are they talking about the fruits of the spirit are they talking about being like Christ the Bible says that as we Behold Him we are being transformed into to the same image from one level of Glory to another level are they talking about being transformed right because if they're not talking about being transformed if they're not talking about the fruit of the spirit what they are doing is basically saying two of you come together with your deceitful heart and your sinful nature and make it work oh we're going to give you some information but does the information you have change your heart it's almost like you know Russian Roulette sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't work right but if our goal is to produce and I don't know if that's an accurate framing to produce because it's not an assembly line but if our goal let me use that you guys I'm saying is to produce Christians followers of Christ not religious people not um people who are doing uh Judaism like Christians you know the Bible says it is because of the love that you show to one another that they will call you my followers right that's what the Bible says the says I show you a more excellent way right if we are teaching people these things and we're not bouncing from seven keys to 25 steps we're focused on the mission Jesus gave us go ye into all the world preach the gospel right if we focus on those things and we're producing those disciples we would not have to have some of the interventions that we have for marriages because fundamentally right a person who is so focused on being like Christ right who is so focused on getting out of the way and letting the Holy Spirit walk through them yeah great spouse great spouse imagine if you and your husband sh right are so bent on not hindering the gentleness that the holy spirit is ministering to you to manifest to your spouse right you're not letting anything stand in the way of the patience that the holy spirit is ministering to you to manifest is trying to manifest to you manifest through you to your spouse what kind of marriage would that be right which by the way I'm not married so wait you're not married yes she's not why are they waiting see I about they waiting on I go to be compit impression I'm sorry I'm sorry let me not BL you know what's funny she had a second question that is true that is
(15:20)If Marriage Isn't For You, Then What?
true um and and the second question is um in I guess in in part of like do we think that the um the church glorifies um just in the context of what we're talking about um if a person who hasn't gotten married says hey I actually do not think that marriage is for me do you think that the response of the church would be okay if you believe that that is what God wants for you that's okay um and tell you it's not good it's not good for from a cultural perspective of just our culture in in where it's like I don't really know I think that's I think again right if you don't think marriage is for you right it is your responsibility yeah to stand for what you believe right I have a responsibility to stand for what I believe and if I believe that marriage is the best thing that happened to you yeah I'm going to talk about it I'm going to tell you about it I'm going to sell it to you right do you believe that though sorry that Mar is the best thing that can happen to you my wife is watching this so don't ask yes this marriage is in fact my life has not been the same what's wrong with yous of the best thing that happened to you is Christ and I don't say that from a religious perspective I'm I'm a pragmatic person right I'm a practical person if you don't stand up for what you believe right you can't blame anybody they will say what they believe right there's some people that believe murder is fine kill people if somebody bugs you enough shoot them right and they talk about it do you have a gun no oh wow but you live in Texas right right there's a lot of the gun culture here is is strong you didn't ask me for look like he might have two or he say he doesn't want to know I fig that's right he ask you some say but you you don't succumb to that pressure right why it's almost like you choose the one you succumb to and the one you won't succumb to much right you can resist some but you don't resist the other ones and can I be honest with you I feel like a lot of people say they don't want to marry on Monday and then on Tuesday they want to marry and then on Thursday they don't want to marry and then on Friday they want to marry right people want me to say you know what it's okay not to be married and it is okay not to be married the Bible says it is okay not to be married but I'm not going to say that marriage is bad right and I'm not going to say it is good for man to be alone that is not God's intention right so what what do you want from me right just what what do you want from me I I had a girl come into my office and start crying about how I don't um um um talk about how good it is to be single and in my mind I'm like do do you read your Bible I'm a pastor not a motivational speaker I preach from the word of God if you want to be single be single Paul said it is better to be single so you can do the work of the Lord right but this is me Paul talking not God yeah I don't think it is better to be single I I sincerely don't as a married man I've been married and I've been single I'm being single can be rough and I talk to single people right the Bible says that uh uh two have a better return on their labor if I did not have my wife right I don't think I would be as far gone as far forward certain areas of my life as I would have been so I'm not going to sit down here and tell you you know um um yeah be single right because marriage has been a blessing to me now if you decide it is not a blessing to you that's okay too that's okay too right I am not going to give you permission right it is not my place to give you permission it is my place to preach the word of God and then you decide now if you make a decision and say PF I'm going to be single I'm okay with being single are you happy I'm very happy no problem I'm I'm very comfortable with that decision I'm comfortable with people saying they don't want to have kids I'm comfortable with it right what I get irritated about yeah is people delegating their choices and their responsibilities to other people you want me to decide for you that it is good to be single you get my point absolutely you want me to to to elevate being single so that it will be easy for you to be single because you are the man of God because I'm the man of God Goa but all of us are reading from the same Bible absolutely yeah you know another thing that I think happens with some folks again like I said I have no problems with being single I don't think that being single makes you less I think being single is going to make some things tougher for example you pay more taxes that's the nature of our society probably pay less taxes well you make more money than I do so probably pay less taxes I thought you're going to say something else so pay less taxes you know there's so many ways that singleness can be problematic right but if you found a way to make it work that's fine however I know some people I think I think and this is my opinion some people have not been successful right in building relationships and they are looking for for somebody to validate not making the effort yeah some people are very problematic men and women right they're looking for somebody to validate not making the effort you know how when you know they're going to fire you all of a sudden you don't love your job anymore right because you anticipate failure so you're looking for permission structure to fail yeah hey if you believe sincerely that marriage is not for you and it is not because you are not willing to open up your heart to the fruits of the spirit manifesting through you that's fine but a lot of folks would rather not married and deal with their bad temper than deal with their selfishness than deal with their inability to forgive than deal with their preoccupation with themselves a lot of folks would rather not deal with that than deal with the work of letting the Holy Spirit manifest through you right and then they're like oh why are we not not talking about being single I'm talking about the fruits of the spirit you decide whether you want to be single or not and I don't think everybody's going to marry by the way because statistically more women there are more women than there are men and it's going to break it down Texas it's just some of it is just science so so if you if you if you decide that the only car you are going to drive is a car that flies yeah they haven't made that car yet so get ready to work it's this what it is PF is doing 2+ 2 is four minus one that's three quick M it's MTH right however he like he's like look you want a job you want a job right you want to work you need a salary you need a paycheck right and everybody that is hiring says we want somebody who um has little or no hair on their head wait I you're disqualified to and then and then you you decide you decide you decide that no I'm going to keep my hair PF tell me that it's okay not to work tell me it's okay to not be able to pay my bills sometimes I feel like that's what people want because they don't want to have to deal with cutting their hair they're looking for somebody to say it's okay and I'm not going to do that yeah it is not bad it's you decide and sometimes even and if you don't do it sometimes they would go into the word to find that confirmation by us it's okay to be single right taken out of context in this year cuz I've heard I've heard you I'm sure you're familiar with the um when Christ was with his disciples we having a conversation and he said the only grounds for divorce is adultery and then they were like if that's the case then what's the point of getting married and he was likeo calm down whoever is whoever is comfortable with this teaching you know right they should be is that what he said is that what was that the question the question was can you divorce your wife can a man divorce his wife for any cause there was a there there was a one question there was somewhere El there was a different question as well that was that part was also interesting but yeah this one where they were CH said so what was the point of getting married and it was like you know some people to your point have been uh called to be right yeah but marriage is one of those things that look it's a very complex relationship right and it can be a very difficult relationship but I think the the more Christlike you are yeah the less difficult it it becomes no let me phrase that the more it will be happily ever after it will always be challenging you don't leave in the person's head you can't read their mind you have your own you know baggage right the conflict is inevitable two people living in such close proximity making decisions about big things small things important things not so important things something is important to you somebody doesn't care about it is such a complex you know it's full of potential landmines right so I'm not going to tell you you must marry absolutely not but I'm not going to tell you you know what be single if you don't want to marry and you want to be single fine if you want to marry I say p pray for me that I can find a wife I'll pray for you if you say p i want to be single but you know I don't know that I have the strength to withstand pressure I'll pray for you that God will give you strength strength yeah but I'm not going to be the abitor of whether it is good to be married or good to be single the word of God is clear yeah so that's how I look at it be have pray for me I absolutely pray for me so you do you want I this is not trying to put you a personal you know Ma out there but do you do you want to get married I do want to get married yeah and and that's not a bad thing by the way because some in some places that's a bad thing now and you know there was a time that I don't know that I want to in the sense that I don't know that there was an actual desire more so like oh it's something that I is going to happen you should do it not necessarily because I want to just the way everything everybody does it you're supposed to um and then I I also know when then I said there is a desire that was kind of like oh I actually do want this and there's some people who don't have that desire right one of the things that drives um the choice of marriage is sex right you want to sleep with somebody your body is going crazy some people don't have some people don't some people don't have that experience some people don't have that experience some people from birth their testosterone was barely there some men so that drive is not there to marry they're very comfortable with being by themselves living their lives just doing their own thing and if hey you do you right even though I was going to say especially in today like I don't know that people like that is what would then push people to marry now because really yeah because they can easily people are having sex without being Mar not problem and and and and you know the interesting thing they are right and it's um it's not the ideal right and most people not all most people want the ideal right and they pursue the ideal right and if you are a Christian right who um believes in living your life through Christ then you're going to ask yourself that this choice that I am making right to be you know sleeping with everybody and anybody how does that reflect what you believe how does that display your faith right you know your your sleeping with people that you have no intention of building a relationship with are those people in agreement with you that you know what we're not this thing is just Smash and dash or they are thinking we will smash and then this will lead to more right or you know how you're using somebody how does that make the person feel right on multiple levels right it's a very problematic way to to live your life particularly if you believe that you have God now when when I say this please don't misunderstand me nobody's perfect right we have struggles we have challenges there are areas of growth that we all need I need area I have areas of growth but what is right is right and what is wrong is wrong and when we're doing something that is wrong let us say we're doing something that is wrong I'm say I'm not going to say oh well because I have a problem I'm not going to talk about the problem right or you know what I I I I I have itchy fingers I'm always stealing things he's stealing is wrong and I'm asking God to help me with it I don't think that makes any sense I actually argue that because you have a problem that's the reason why you should talk about yeah depends on how you talk about it though a lot of people right they they is is like some guy who is homosexual Right comes and is always vilifying homosexuals he hates that about himself right so he talks about it from a place of hatred not from a place of redemption I got you right it's something in him that he hates right and that hate doesn't solve the problem so how you talk about your challenges matter right if you talk about your challenges to hide your challenges that's problematic as well right but if you're sincerely struggling and again we all have struggles I have struggles let's ask God to help us right let's all ask God to help us because it is only God that can help us as opposed to vilifying this person or vilifying that person right so you will not hear me vilifying people who are struggling with anything because at the end of the day some people are struggling with um alcohol and drug addiction some people are struggling with sex addiction it is what it is right and all of us are trusting the Holy Spirit to break the bondage the enemy has over our lives using our flesh yeah but let's be clear bondage is bondage right because we're in bondage doesn't mean we should suddenly make bondage a cool place to be absolutely not yeah bondage is not a Vibe no it's not but but what we want to do what we want to do and this is the the marriage question again right we want to be made to feel comfortable where we are as opposed to being encouraged or equipped to move to where we want to be right and I think that that's problematic because underneath those questions underneath that thing is a lack of sincerity yeah yeah and I've had somebody tell me why I don't talk about being single and first chance they get they're in a relationship so this was what you wanted all along so yeah did you really care about but to to your point what they wanted was Comfort at that time when they were sing right no they wanted a permission structure they wanted an excuse to not do the work of being in a relation I'm saying Comfort to the point you made they wanted to be comfortable yes they want to push themselves they want to push I don't I don't I don't want to be nice I don't want to be I don't want to censor the way I talk but deep down inside what they actually want was do yeah but there are some people who genuinely are happy by themselves Kudos do you you will not hear me vilifying you you will not if I ever vilified you for being single no Vex uh that means that means you're that means doesn't mean I'm sorry my op means don't be annoy it was it was ignorant means what's wrong with you are you okay that's not what it means why you but but you guys get the point I'm try correct yeah being poor right you need a people who are very happy with little very very happy and $20,000 a year right they have simple tastes but there are some people that are earning 5 billion and they're very unhappy because they their throat is fat and what is going to satisfy it five billion is not enough right why do I want to vilify what makes you content godliness with contentment is great gain right content if you're content with being single fine if you're content with $20,000 I'm not going to sit down there and convince you that you should have a million you know there are some people for example my my kids they they love to shop at thrift stores right so they will come home with a bag full of clothes and tell me very excitedly they spent only $10 right and they'll pull out like 20 items of clothing and they're really excited right now I grew up in a culture right where shopping at the thrift store is problematic so I don't go to thrift stores it is what it is yeah to thank you as long as it lines up with the word um you know I've always I've said that let's let's in the episode with making a case for Christ making a case for Christ and I think last time I said it but I actually didn't make the case no you didn't forgive me go for well we're all you know we all have issues and we are working on the issues like you said as long as we're working on as long as working on the issues so evidence shows right I'm working you know I like you guys um that person um I want you to make a case and to be in all all jokes aside the person was actually going through a lot of mental health issues at the time and the external pressure was it was beyond just making a statement it was a lot of if I've given the impression that we're not subject to external pressure we're immune from external pressure that that is not my intention right people will pressure you that is the reality yeah ultimately God Gave You Free Will yeah I don't want to be uncharitable and say oh you know yes it's it's a thing it's a thing right but you have a responsibility to do whatever it is that you need to do to position yourself to do what you believe if it means removing yourself from people who are pressuring you to do something that you know is contrary to the will of God there are churches where they encourage people to bring goats into service and kill the goats do they use goat do they serve goats meat after no I don't know what they do with it right there are churches that people in the place of prayer to kill does and basically recreate the sacrifices of the Old Testament right and if you go to that church that's all they talk about but can anybody follow you home to kill a goat and if you don't want to kill a goat you stay in that church you're looking for trouble now if you surround yourself with people who are pushing in the wrong direction what what is that family I know you can't get away from family sometimes but really you can't sometimes you can sometimes you can my mother used to say if they tell you to put your hand inside fire are you going to put your hand inside fire some of us will it's basically what you're saying some some people will depend on how much how brainwashed yes I I I grew up and for a long time I struggled with people pleasing right and I still struggle with it sometimes yeah but I seek a way out of it because I can see the problems it causes for me I'm actively working right to focus my my attention on what God thinks of me than what people think of me so I'm very aware of pressure but it does not absolve me of Free Will and making choices does that make sense absolutely makes sense uh PF every time I feel like I always close with you just drop make a case for Jesus you did you make the case I did that was the case right cuz I used the the the person right and then you you you pretty much said you understand that there is pressure yeah around us that's not your point but at the of the day I feel like your the consistent thing is oh yeah that and then Christ I think that's the consist I I think we have to come to a point right where we allow ourselves to be defined not by what people say about us where we are asking ourselves what does God say about me what does God think about me what does God want for me who does God want me to be right and if you look at what God wants for you yeah there's nothing better says the thoughts that I have towards you are thoughts of good and not of evil to give you a future and a hope and to bring you to an expected end an expected end is your destination the destination that was set for you right the purpose for which you were made so everything that God wants to do in your life is to bring you to that place where in truth you are fulfilled there will be times when your circumstances are unpleasant there will be many times when your circumstances are adverse it's not a curse in this world you will have troubles right yeah but you know you know that in all these situations and in all these challenges God is actively working to make sure that good right comes to those who love him and those who are called according to his purpose and the good is not necessarily Comfort the good is the Fulfillment of purpose remember when God made the heavens and the Earth he said it was good that is the good God is talking about where he looks at it and says this is good not where you look at it and say that Ben is good that Ben can kill you is that good before your time that's definitely this good is definitely a uh a topic for another episode for sure um what is good guys you've been listening to PF on filter thank you so much um whenever we have this conversations like sh was saying I believe it was earlier on in this episode I think last episode about you know the point is for for this to provoke um our deeper conversations right and and allow us to again realign like P will say our lives to match Christ's words and not just uh anybody's words please don't forget to give us if you're liking obviously keep liking it keep enjoying it let us know what you want to hear don't forget to give us five stars is there six star can you give six stars give us many stars as appropriate and and and I I really would love to hear from you if there's anything that I have said if there's anything you disagree with um let's talk about it maybe you will convince me otherwise to change my perspective I have an open mind I have a very very open mind I'm open to learning you did maybe maybe maybe but I have not come to my thinking by accident yeah I've been on this planet for not a very long but a long minute so I believe what I'm saying but I'm really open to hearing what folks think it's I think it's important to have a conversation as opposed to just lecture people yeah right yeah so um make a comment you know send us a message and we will respond to you yeah and let us know what you'd like to hear about or conversations that you'd like us to talk about as well mhm but D slideing PS DMS but please slide appropriately respectfully respectfully thank you yeah thank you love you guys bye all right bye guys all right [Music]