(0:00)When attraction becomes sin
You see the desire that makes me want to sleep with my wife is not all emotional and spiritual. It's physical. I know but so what Christ has done is that he has given me the power to not act or think about other people. Mhm. Right. But if other people are shaking their butts in my face. Mhm. Christ is doing a lot of work. Unfiltered. Welcome back to another episode of PF Unfiltered. My name is Esther Griffin and I'm here with my co-host Tunde Makanjuola. Say your last name, bro. I'm not good to say my last name. No problem. And I'm here with PF. That's what you get. That's what you get. How long have we been doing this? That's what you get. How long have we been doing it? Hey, I'm PF. The PF. A PF for a few times. Pastor Femi. Guys, welcome. That's what you get. Nice one. Nice one, please. I just want to say real quickly for those that are watching and if you're enjoying the episode or the podcast, please like, subscribe, and share. We have a goal of getting to 50,000 subscribers by the end of the year. It doesn't sound like a lot, but we're humble. We appreciate your views. We appreciate your comments. Subscribe, guys. Thank you very much. Why you say it's such a sad because you have abused me now like you're making a funeral announcement. You have abused me. On the 25th of 2022, John Brown died of a gunshot wound. We appreciate you guys. Sounds awfully specific. That's that's what the like the little commercials be doing, right? Yeah yeah, they do, they do. What are we here to talk about today?
(1:45)Why do pastors ignore lust?
I'm I'm insecure. I can't pronounce it so you say it. Less. Okay. Thank you. Why do you have to say it like that? Because they say they're like, "Lord, you guys." No. The reason why this topic is important is because people don't talk about it anymore like they used to. They used to. I feel like in pulpits, pastors used to talk about sin a lot and lust and and purity and all the things like that. And it was all kind of wrapped up. And I feel like as much we're not talking about that. Like I feel like the culture has changed a little bit now. It's like prosperity and all the things. And so I think it's really important for us to touch on it because I think people are forgetting that like the Lord is holy and we must be set apart, not out here just living anyhow. That was that was one of the um when I grew up church I grew up in I'm not going to say their name because I respect them very much. Uh they always spoke about sex and immorality like that was something that was huge. It was always lust, sex, uncontrolled desire. Everything else kind of felt like not as important anyway as as sex. And then to Esther's point, it seems at least like there's been a shift like it was like lust is excused a little bit more. Not not accepted, but excused. And then there's everything else you talk about or ignored, like it doesn't like you like people aren't falling into. I I wonder what churches you guys attend because we we attend the fastest growing church in Dallas. The fastest church in central Dallas. We've talked about sin. Sin. Yeah. I don't know if we've dived as specifically or as frequently. I remember doing a sermon series on the seven deadly sins. I remember that. Yeah. Yeah. You remember that? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I don't remember it. However, I think if I'm being fair, you have a history of of flicking. No. So, she's the one that said God's favorite ones don't go to church. I said, "What?" No, actually, she didn't say it. No. Yeah. Okay. I go to church, y'all. I serve in the youth ministry. I love my kids and they love me and their parents. All of us are together. We are working on making sure we're trying to raise them in the way that they should go. Anyways, I be serving. That's why I won't be in church. I see. Yeah. So, I don't be hearing the sermons, but sometimes I'll be going back to watch. Okay. Sometimes, not all the times, but you know, at the end of the day is, you know, it's I'm here for community. I I I I do understand what you guys are saying, right? And I think on my part, let let me speak for myself first time. I I think you're talking about two different things, right? Um the digging deep into the different kinds of sin is one thing, right? um the permissiveness of the of the culture is is a different thing, right? From a sermon perspective, right? You don't have a lot of time. You have 35 minutes um um to get your message across. People have a short attention span, right? So, you do have just 35 minutes. Even if you have 2 hours, if you preach for 2 hours, people have tuned you out after the first 35 minutes. You have too many points to remember just one point. Mhm. So you have a responsibility or rather a
(4:51)The danger of focusing only on sin
burden to communicate the most important thing and in my own assessment there's a certain givenness of sin. Mhm. Right. We all know to some degree what sin is. So that when you start to dig deep into sin it can almost be redundant. Right. Not quite almost be redundant. So I would personally rather spend time on what redeems. Right? And what redeems is not your knowledge of sin. What redeems is your knowledge of the love of God, your acceptance of it. Right? So I would rather talk more about the love of God. But also pointing out that the one major point of the love of God is redemption, right? And it's a redemption from sin. So you do have to talk about sin, right? In whatever form it is. But to sit down and to start to analyze and break down sins can be a bit of a challenge right in a 35 minute sermon just that's one thing I don't know what other pastors are doing I'm talking speaking for myself but on the permissiveness of the culture right there there are many reasons for it yeah and I think we have society has always been lustful right the Bible talks about the lust of the eyes Mhm. Um the lust of the flesh and the pride of life are emblematic of the world. They are the pillars of the world. The world is driven by the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life. It is symbolized by these things, right? And when you think about it,
(6:28)Defining inordinate desire
lust is desire that has become inappropriate. That's inappropriate desire. In fact, the Bible says inordinate. Inappropriate, out of order, right? Um, our our life is driven by the things that we see. Right. I like a pair of shoes. So I cannot exactly eliminate the role my eyes play. Right. Right. Um, there's a feeling I get when I eat. I cannot exactly um eliminate the desire of my flesh. Right. Um, there's a place I want to be in a community that is appropriate. I want, I'm a father. I'm a leader, right? And I want to lead. So there's an appropriate, I want I want to rise into the fullness of my role, right? So there is an appropriate level of desire. Mhm. Right. And then there is an inordinate level of desire where you pursue something to the to the detriment of everything that's important. Where you pursue the satisfaction of your eyes, of your flesh, of your ego over and above the knowledge of God, right? Then it becomes inappropriate. Right? So talking about lust for example, lust is a word that is usually used in reference to sexual desire. Right? Right. A married person for example has to desire is a necessary component of that marriage. Right? If you speak to a man and his wife does not desire him, he's not happy. Or a woman and her husband does not desire her and she's unhappy. So there's a there's a there's a there's a a legitimate um amount of desire. Mhm. But then there's a desire that goes beyond the legitimate where you seek to satisfy your flesh, right? Your sexual need in marriage, outside of marriage. Okay. Right. Because God says the marriage bed is undefiled, for example. So the marriage is a place to satisfy your sexual desire, but that desire can get out of hand and marriage can no longer contain it. Gotcha. Right. Then it has become inordinate, inappropriate, and then you start to engage in pornography and, you know, adulterous relationships, right? Yeah. Yeah. But we we've got this thing going on
(8:41)Why dating conversations fail
now. Our producer, we're talking about dating, for example, and how, you know, you can't go on a date before after 5 minutes the conversation is about sex. But the whole concept of dating is problematic, right? When a date is based on attraction. Mhm. Right. What is attraction? I'm attracted to your physical appearance. Right? Sex is already a part of the conversation. Right? So, you're saying, you're—that's the thing though, and this is the problem, right? You're going to disagree with me. I'll tell you why you're—why you're disagreeing with me. You want to talk about—listen, Esther. You want to talk about cars, right? So, so we're we're in a room, right? And you—and you— you—the basis of our being in the room is cars. Mhm. Not anything else, cars, right? But then you want to say, "Well, actually, do you know what? Yeah, we're here because of cars, but you can't talk about Maseratis." You say, "No, I get it." So, you—you—you can't—you can't bring me into a space on the basis of physical attraction and then say, "Well, we can't talk about physical attraction." This is good. No, I need to point out this because some of us need to be set free. And some of us, we do. Are you going on a date because you are drawn to—wait, are you going on a date? Before you set anybody free, let's establish this. Are you going on a date? Are people going on dates, right, because they are physically, right, attracted to somebody? And that is the beginning of sexual desire. I'm saying I agree with you. Okay. See, PF is so used to it, he's so used to me throwing shade or feel like I'm going to throw shade. But here's the truth. We go on dates, excuse me, we go on dates with people that we think are cute. Physical attraction. Yes. If they don't, don't if they're not cute, we don't want to be on the date. Physical attraction. Yeah. So, so you want to talk about the light, you want to talk about the candle, right? The candle is accepted, but then we don't want the candle to become a bonfire. The issue is that we haven't thought about it in that way. Exactly. Well, I have a question. Before you go before your question, if you go on a date with somebody on the basis of physical attraction, right? How do you then remove physical attraction from the person's mind? Well, here's the thing. You know, you don't, but I think there are there are boundaries. Like I think it's Oh, no. Okay. PF. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah.
(10:55)The Yoruba Proverb on temptation
Actually, I just Yoruba people have a proverb that is pertinent here. The meat you don't want to eat, you don't put it in your nose. Please. When you go on a date, and and we all say we all say this is a component of it, right? We all say this is a component of it. But it's a component that we lead with. We should then if you if you if you lead with cheese, then why are you expecting That's the way to show up and No, because here's the problem. There are no boundaries. You can't set boundaries like that. Don't start with that. That's the thing, right? You you want to set boundaries. You want to trigger an inward man and female people. Yeah. Right. A certain reaction and then set boundaries for it. Yeah. It's like you're you're why not be realistic. Yes. Why not be realistic? But but the question I did have though no it ties to what you were saying. So earlier on you started the episode talking about how like there is a baseline level whether it is you want to lead or for your your eyes are the first thing that you utilize, right? Um in in in dating would you say that maybe there is a baseline even for attraction whereas the eyes is the first thing you use to see that person and then to your point maybe it's now the inordinate so so so let me tell I get so the eyes
(12:15)The Eyes vs. The Spirit
the eyes say to us the eyes say to us this person is acceptable okay right it's cute it's cute right the mind, right, says what? The spirit says what? Mhm. Right. If the voice of the spirit and the mind is not louder than the voice of the eyes, the eyes will lead the conversation. Okay. So, you're saying that there's there's an acceptable level of initial attraction. If that there's an there's there's wait, there's an acceptable level, but the acceptable level is not the should not be the initiator of the conversation. You should not lead. I shouldn't walk up to a babe just because she's fine. But that's the isn't that the first thing we see should not be what determines engagement. Right. I shouldn't I shouldn't walk up to somebody just because they are physically attractive. I see what you're saying. If physical attraction is the primary initiator of the conversation, we've got a problem. I get it. Yeah. I see what you're saying. I'm trying to say it makes sense. So, so in our days, in our days, in our days, from your days. In our days, you see a fine babe. Yeah. Right. But what be tied you if you walked up to that babe on the basis of she's a fine babe cuz you don't even know her from anywhere. She could she could be a witch. It's not that. It's not just that. It's not just that she's a witch or whatever. You know she's not a witch. She's in a witch now. She's not a guy because she's in charge. She's not a witch. No, I'm just saying she might be a witch. But let's not lie. So, so, so don't digress. You guys don't don't you offer. So, so, so you see a fine babe. Mhm. Right. But before you say a word to her, you want to establish her spirituality first. Mhm. Then you want to establish her character, right? And I'm not saying, you know, uh um you always got it right. But you don't walk up to a babe and the first thing you say is, "Oh, you're so fine." Okay. So, PF, can I use a personal
(14:21)The 'Hard' Truth: Dating his wife
example? Yeah. Yeah. Please. My uh my beautiful wife. Uh some of you may know, some of you may not. Shout out. When I first saw her, the first thing I saw was how fine she was. Was how fine she was. Fine. This the first thing I said wasn't, "Oh, you're such a fine girl." It was like, "Hey, how are you?" But that was what I was thinking initially. That was what drew me to her. And then from that initial attraction, we started having conversations about How how hard was dating her without touching her? Yeah. How hard was it? Do you understand? Should we cut the camera? It was hard. It was hard. Tell the truth and shame the devil. It was hard. No, it was hard. It was hard. Right. So, but so what would you say? So, in in that context what would you say in that context, right? In that context, right? I don't know the dynamic of how you guys are, right? But but this is the thing, right? We have to stop encouraging interactions on the basis of physical attraction. Right. And because if the reason why the two of us are on this table, right, is because in this restaurant is because we're digging on each other, right? Then somebody decides, you know what? Let's not talk about that digging on each other thing, right? Let's talk about higher and loftier things, right? It's a problem. It's hard. Mhm. Right. Because we've we've established that the fire is burning. Oh, yeah. Let's off it for now. Yeah. You make it. Usually it is one person that wants to unilaterally off it. Mhm. Right. Usually in this day and age, right? Guys don't complain that relationships are overly sexualized. It's the women that complain about it. Mhm. Because for women sometimes, sometimes, not always, it can be easier to dial it back. Mhm. With guys, it's like a train. You get on it, you want to get to the station, right? So, you've already accepted, okay, I'm fine. Whatever. We we we we we we've built this house. Mhm. Right. But now you want us to walk away from the house for a season. It's hard. Yeah. So you're saying it's harder if we So I guess what what I'm hearing you say is that if we lead with physical attraction, if that's the predominant voice, obviously you're not saying it's wrong, but it's more what is going to happen. Yeah. It's going to be different. It's like I always I said to my daughter, I said, "Listen, right, and nobody likes to hear this, but I'm going to say it. Do what you like. It's PF Unfiltered. Subscribe. If you lead with meat, you will get dogs. If you lead with your body, huh? Right, you will attract men who are interested in your body. If you lead with your mind, you will attract intellectual people. If you lead with your prayerfulness, you will attract the prayer warriors. If I lead with my money, if you lead with your money, you will attract gold diggers. M it's is just the way it is because because and and and again I I I'm going to go here but please do I don't care the way that we dress right the way that we dress leads with our bodies. I can't close my eyes right. I am looking at your body. We're on a date. I'm looking at your body, but I can't think about sex. Okay. I think, when you say "your body," wait, body parts? So is it like if the, if the, if, if, if, like, cuz I'm—see, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not— I'm, let me be clear: I am not signaling or trying to say what is right and what is wrong. I'm saying this is what happens at least, and and people don't like to hear this, right? So it's like men, right, men keep, you know, they want to pop champagne, they want to drive flashy cars, they want to do all these things, they want to lead with their money, and then the babe is only interested in your money. She's billing you after 5 minutes, and you're turning up your nose. Dude, man, you led with your wallet. You attracted somebody who was interested in your wallet. It's, it's just the way it is, right? Yeah, it's a matter of nature, because sometimes when, when I, when I meet you today and all I am thinking about, the only reference point I have for you is your money, right? Everything in me that is broke eh is going to get very loud. But if I don't even know how much money you have, I just find out you're a nice guy. Mhm. Then I want to engage with you on that level, right? Honestly, I find it surprising and hypocritical, right, that we want to lead with money and complain about gold diggers. You want to wear clothes, right, that sexualize you. I don't need to sexualize you. Your clothes sexualize you, right? And then I'm thinking about sleeping with you and you're like, "How dare you? I can wear what I like." I didn't make myself. I didn't create myself to function the way that I function. Right? But you don't have to always trigger that aspect of me. Right? PF, if, if, if God forgive me. Amen. Cuz I have a lot to say, but I'm not going to say, but, but I can't say it because I know I know I'm asking you to forgive me because I I I I have to dial it back, right? Because I know that it's going to be a challenge, right? people. You can't stop what goes on in people's minds and they don't need you to be naked to think all sorts of things, right? They don't need That's a lack of self-control. I have two dogs. Mhm. If you put meat in front of a dog, right, and the dog jumps at it, it's not a lack of self-control. That you would say that's the nature. That's a dog's nature. That's the nature of a dog. If you put meat in front of a dog, right, and if you don't want the dog to jump at the meat, right, you will tie him to the wall first. Mhm. Or you hold him really hard, right? Or you've trained him. Right. Right. Right. But even with all the training, everything within him wants that meat. Right. Right. What irritates me, right? Is people want to put meat on the table and then beat the dog for salivating at the meat. But then, so here's like comparing human beings to animals. Yes. But we're not animals. Really? We're elevated. No, because then they'll say what animal that we came from monkeys. We didn't come from monkeys. We're we're biology, right? We are a species of animal. I think Esther to digress. Esther doesn't like the topic. I think digress guys. Can I tell you something? Can I tell you something? One of the reasons why why those conversations are hard in church, those conversations about lust and stuff is hard in church. Can't tell you why. It will open a can of worms that that people don't want to open. If I start talking about sexual immorality in depth, I'm going to talk about the way people dress to church. Nobody wants that conversation. What about those lust of of what? But so let's maybe not the women the the the the daughters of Zion will come for you honestly and if you're a daughter of Zion please subscribe they will they will come for you that are you telling us why can't they control themselves no but but they can control themselves but why do you have to trigger them all the time trigger me every day and tell me to control myself trigger me and then say so hey I'm going to wave this in front of you but don't touch it it's not always like that you know it is like that more often than it is not more often. And and hear me, hear me, please hear me, ladies and gent boys and girls. This is what I'm trying to say. This is what I'm trying to say, right? And I said this once. Mhm. Society has evolved. Yeah. Mhm. Humanity has not quite evolved to match society. Yeah. We do ourselves a disservice when we do not take into consideration the reality or the truth of who we are. Mhm. Right. when our men right and women refuse to acknowledge the challenges that we face in our humanity. Mhm. Right. On the basis of some lofty ideals, we always fall short of those ideals. Okay. Right. One of the reasons why we have a preponderance of failure is because we are not taking into consideration the ability of the people that we're dealing with. Right? I don't think it is fair to say to women, you can't wear this and you can't wear that. I don't think so. But I also, right and can I be honest with you? The evolution is not that they don't see your body. They always see it. Mhm. 99.9% of men see it, notice it, note it. They have evolved to the point where they don't say anything. Is this true guys? What is what you are right true? What what question you're asking specifically? I'm asking you guys to validate what PF just said, right? Yeah. So what what is I just said that 99% If you show up with skimpy attire and body parts are falling out, 99.9% of men see it. I mean honestly I think even women would see. I mean no no no no no talking about a different type of sight. Wait, let me lust after you. Not lust after. They see it. They see they see it and they have evolved in the sense that they are able to calculate the mathematics of saying or doing anything about it. Mhm. Ah, your wife will kill you. Mhm. So you have, she catches you looking, she will slap your face. But society will vilify you. Mhm. Right. But that you as a man didn't see it. Mhm. And didn't have some level of reaction to it. It's a fallacy. But even women have that type of reaction. Okay. Yeah, that's what I was going to. I think if wait wait wait how what kind of reaction? Like when we are seeing, yes like if you and, like, breasts and and height, we are all seeing it. You see, but you're not you're not you're not viscerally drawn to it. No. Yeah. The male of the species is viscerally drawn to it. And I'm now asking you guys to validate because there's three men in this they won't they won't no I no I could validate be honest though like I think for any heterosexual male that sees a woman as attractive and there's flesh showing, I like I like how you put it, male. Yeah. There's very, that's how I should have said it. That's how I should have said that's how I should have said it. Okay. What what he said that's what I'm trying to say heterosexual male. Yeah. For all the guys in the comments, please can you validate this because we we need to know the numbers. We need to know that can I say something? Can I be honest? Can I be honest with the ladies right there? Most men right will say that's not acceptable. Most men will not be honest on this topic because they have learned they will be vilified and they'll be called dogs. So they will not be honest on this particular issue. Right? So either they they say no you you are not a dog I'm not a dog I've evolved I have evolved I don't have to do anything about it I don't have to do anything about it right but if the person is the kind of person I am drawn to you can be sure that even if they're holistic what's holistic can you define that term for those who are not aware I have I have no what I mean first time first that word well calling Let me see you. What? What does that mean? Like people are like the Holy Ghost. Do you know that? Do you know that? Can you wait? That type of Holy Ghost. Okay. That's new. Can Can I quickly say something? Can I say something? Can I quickly say something? Crazy. I know. Hear me. Hear me. Right. Wow. I wish we could have an honest conversation, right? Not the podcast. Mhm. Right. Our our societies could have an honest conversation, right? where we are actually listening to each other as to what causes problems. I just want to be clear this is in the kingdom. Yes, this is in the kingdom. Talk about in the kingdom the Bible says the the Bible says the Bible says let your moderation be known to all men. Mhm. Right. The Bible says that your beauty should not come from the adornment of the external. Right. But from a a meek and gentle spirit coming from the inside. Right. That is what the Bible says, right? If you preach that. Oh. Oh, the backlash. Sorry. Oh, the backlash. Before we before we go, because because everybody everybody knows what you're saying, right? Dress modestly. And this is not a women's problem to hear me out. But women have a problem. Mhm. Right. And men have a problem. Right. Right. Women are the primary Complainants. Mhm. about how everything is sexualized. Mhm. I'm not lying. Mhm. Right. Guys are not complaining about everything sexualized. They're usually Yeah. They're usually they're the criminals. Complain. They're the criminals. Right. So, so when we talk about lust, we're talking about an overly sexualized mentality. Right. Right. When you buy an item of clothing and they say this is sexy, what what is the designer thinking when he designed this to be sexy? You know what that means, right? I know what it means. It means that you designed it so that it elicits, stirs up sexual desire. Right. Right. This thing is not rocket science now. No. No. It's not. So when you say to people dress modestly, right? Yeah. You want to police what I'm wearing? You want to tell me control yourself? Okay, I'll control myself. Well, maybe Okay. So, let me like let me let me devil's advocate real quick cause we want to talk about it for them. How do they deal with it? For those battling with lust, you want to talk about how they deal with it. Yeah. I want to I want us to shift to those that are struggling with lust. Let's say for example, the girl in this example, the girl is dressing modestly or maybe she just has like she just has makeup on and hair on, she looks great. Yeah. And the guy is like, "Oh, this baby's fine already." There's no—it's not provocative, right? Decent. That's what they say about me until they find out I'm married. I honestly say I'm happy though. Shout out. Yeah. Great. Good. So, okay. So, let's talk about male, um, lust. Okay. Men go through phases. For men, sexual desire many times is propelled not just by what we see, but by the testosterone cycle. All right. It's not a cycle. It goes up and then it starts to come down. Right? There's a certain age a guy is where the testosterone is driving him. He doesn't have to see a naked woman for his head to be just constantly thinking like a hamster. Yes, it's just that's what testosterone does, right? But when a guy comes out of that madness, right, he's able to exercise a lot more control on his thoughts, on his sexual thoughts, right? But unfortunately, we live in a world that is constantly triggering it, constantly, the music, the social media, the um, um, even sports, right? I was watching, I don't know what I saw one day, volleyball, right? Um, beach volleyball, right? And I was like, "Oh my God, these people are playing volleyball in their underwear and and these days they cut that underwear so that the buttocks are there right in front of you. Why?" Yeah. Why can't they wear shorts? Because I heard that like too much clothing around the glutes area prevents the movement. Me, I didn't hear that. So it depends. It's actually No, because the same issue is in track as well. Track, the same. When we were growing up, they ran. Yeah. And you put on shorts now, but you wear skinies. It was underwear. The the tighter it is to the There's a science to to the body. Yeah. I'm ser— I mean, now we can argue like they've gone too far, but so the point I'm trying to make is this. For that guy, for that guy, right, who is involved with a woman who dresses modestly, Mhm. but he's been listening to music all day, right? He's been watching stuff all day, right? That woman unfortunately becomes a victim of all the stuff he's been watching. So it's not just her, right? So that's why you can't put the blame on women, right? I I I I reject that this is a women's problem. It's a societal problem because even society demands of women certain things. There are personal parts of the world where women who cover themselves are vilified. Right. If you go to the beach in swimsuits that covers I'm going say you look stupid. Yes. Right. Let's be clear. Yeah. Cuz what you doing? Right. So, so, so, so, so you go to the beach, right? Yeah. And Sister Esther of the kingdom of God says you look stupid for covering yourself. Like, no, because there's there's what? Everything should be appropriate for what is appropriate. So, the beach. Okay. Okay. So, so so so imagine that Brother Peter is on the beach wearing clothes to swim, right? Right. He's on the beach. Mhm. Yeah, Brother Peter is part of the problem if he's not wearing a shirt. But Sister Esther has said if you don't wear your underwear to the beach, you are stupid. No, not underwear. There's It's underwear. No, there's beach attire. What's beach attire? Like the scuba suits and stuff. What scuba suit? The one that covers your whole body. Yeah. Yeah. The scuba suits they have, they're a good swimwear. You all keep going back to aerody. It's aerodynamics. These things are designed for function. This is what I think. This is what swimming for swimming that will still cover up your body, but it's not that you're wearing a big shirt and for it's like wearing clothes to go and swim is what she's trying to say. It doesn't really say society needs to have a conversation, right? Because what Esther is saying, right, what Esther is saying does not leave a lot to the imagination, right? It I can't see details of your body, but I can see all of it. M. So what are you implying that we get conservative as a society? I I'm saying if we do not want men right who are thinking about sex a lot then we need to then we need to stop triggering them as often. Do you think we just find do they think we'll just find another way because there's a desire? I don't know if it's for we talking about this thing for millennia. It hasn't made any difference. Okay. Right. It doesn't make any difference because we are the way that we are made. We we evolve, right? But as long as we have heterosexuality, heterosexuality, right? Yeah. The heterosexual mind, right, is drawn to certain things. And this is in Christ in Christ. Why? Why do you think Christ what makes what makes us think that Christ came to take away our humanity? I don't know. If PF see the desire that makes me want to sleep with my wife is not all emotional and spiritual. It's physical. I know but so so so what Christ has done is that he has given me the power to not act or think about other people. Mhm. Right. But if other people are shaking their butts in my face Mhm. Christ is doing a lot of work. Yeah. I mean but okay so to to again to address that question PF. So what okay step number one obviously let's try our best society to be more honest and prevent the triggering of both sexes but step number two in case you can't for guys avoid the things that trigger you okay as a guy okay okay right avoid the music right that's my guy that's my guy do you know that there's a there's a there's a rhythm to the music that's that's That is just my God. I see that now you say it though. What are you talking about now? I see like the the way the way you dance. There's there there's a there's a there's a there's a Let's not even talk about the lyrics. Mhm. Right. Let's talk even about the the harmonies, the beats. Mhm. Right. The kind of music you listen to will have you wrapped up in it and the devil will be cavorting. You won't even know dancing with the devil. The things you watch, right? As a man, you need to understand that what you see Mhm. matters. It's it's it's the gateway to your whole mansion. So, if you want don't want anything in that mansion, shut the door. If you shut the door, right, uh I promise you your ability to control yourself increases exponentially because you have not spent the whole day fighting it. You don't your your your armor your ammunition has not been depleted right because when you start in the morning with Shaky then in the afternoon you are doing Whiskey then next thing you know you and um Tunde are doing it together maybe not all like maybe obviously that I'm calling out I'm calling out I know I'm calling out the music right and then when you finish watching that you now sit on television watching God knows what right? It is, and let's not even talk about how there are certain restaurants you can't even go and buy food because you can't right, there, the, the you just need to understand that there is a there's an attempt right to sully your mind and people are going to look at you like oh, you're such a fanatic, you're so strange. But dude, man, it's your responsibility, because that same society will not cut you apart if you mess up whenever you make a mistake. So let me play, sorry, let me play humanity advocate, devil's advocate. You're my advocate, right? As a human being that you're surrounded by, like, we use social media at church. Even if you're not necessarily looking at maybe, uh, worldly secular music, let's say even the beats for some Christian music, the rhythm might be a little bit more, you know like, how do you realistically or practically remove yourself from these settings if it's everywhere you go, whether it's at church or at home? You can't remove yourself from all of it, but you can reduce that, you can minimize it. Give yourself a fighting chance. Okay? Right? If there are 100 arrows thrown at you and only five get through, chances of, of you dying are, you know, you reduce the odds. Okay? Right? That's what I would say for guys, right? Avoid your triggers. Spend time in the things that edify, right? Spend time in the word. Spend time with in in fellowship, right? In in fellowship that edifies, cuz you can sit down with the boys and we're all drinking for example and the conversation gets worldly, right? They're talking about nonsense. Right there, guys, you can sit down with even if all of you are drinking and they're talking about things that edify. Drinking does not always equal rubbish. Rubbish it, we can we can get heated, stimulated; we can get heated over politics, Mhm. over sports, or we can get heated over babes, right? Choose your crowd accordingly. Just in practice, for for for guys, a lot of the pressure is for is external and it's some of it is internal, right? But as you build yourself up with the things of God, with things that edify, you will find out that your ability to overcome temptation increases. Mhm. Right. Garbage in, garbage out. Yeah. If you fill your mind with garbage, your defenses are weak. And let me tell you, the world that is weakening your defenses will not give you a there's no grace for you. I have a really important question. Yes. And it's for those people that are dealing with lust. It's for it's it's really for the younger crowd, right? For the 18 through 25 that are dealing with lust because of their own physical um limitations, limitation aka testosterone, sex drive, all the things like that, right? Since we're talking about this particular type of lust, what would you say your answer is for them and a solution to help them in that season of their life? Honestly, God did not intend for us to be marrying as late as we're marrying. So, it's a problem and nobody likes to talk about it. We like to pretend as if the biology doesn't exist. God did not intend for us to be marrying at 30, 35. Oh, wow. No, you at 30, 35 your body was not designed to not be having sex. Your body enters its sexual prime, right? So when you are that age your body is, is the peak. By the time a child hits puberty in prior societies, Mhm. Right? They would be talking about getting married, and that was designed not just for the society but also for the body because it's a recognition that after puberty, men, this thing is going to be a problem. So what do we do now? Honestly. when people come into your office how do you advise them? First of all, first of all, when people come into my office, I realize that the solution to this thing is like somebody—let me give you an idea. Somebody comes and says, Pastor, I just want God to take this. Say, God takes this away from you, you are useless as a human being. This desire is what makes you able to reproduce. Mhm. God doesn't take it away. Mhm. God gives you strength to manage it. Ah, right. The strength sometimes now to be for the younger people. Mhm. Right. It's the same things I'm telling the older folks. Edify yourself, right? Give them opportunities to edify themselves, give them activities, right, that they can, 'cause one of the things about testosterone is that it doesn't just create sexual desire, it also creates energy, right? So the more they wear themselves out, right, the less dangerous it can get, but but honestly, we need to stop triggering our children, right? If you if you if you go to H&M or sorry, if you go to some stores, Mhm. You can't buy a decent item of clothes there. You can't you can't find one item of clothing there. Some somebody will hold up a piece of fabric and tell you this is a blouse. Say this barely can fit on my ring finger. How does it wrap around your body? Market standard. So, so even the children Yeah. are struggling. But you know, I I I I I want to commend cuz I've seen the kids at our church and the way the parents dress them and I want to commend them because I see a consciousness, right? Don't sexualize your kids. Yeah. Don't dress them as if they they're 40 years old or 30 years old. Dress them in age appropriate clothing. They'll fight against it, but they'll thank you for it. Mhm. Right. I think that I want us to have a conversation that is realistic. I I don't engage in these conversations because I know the consequence of it. People come for you and say you you are just a misogynist. You you are just a a woman wrapper. They find all sorts of labels to denigrate you because when you tell the guys when you tell the guys for example, right, that dude don't fill your mind with rubbish. Mhm. You say, "What about the women that are half naked?" And I'm like, you see this is your problem. You want to blame someone else. So the guys want to blame the women and the women want to blame the guys. Can they control themselves? Own your own part of it. Own your own part, right? Let the guys stop feeding their minds with nonsense and let the women also stop wearing nonsense. Yeah, it will help all of us. We will help ourselves. Well, on that note, we want to wrap this episode up. PF actually, we got a comment. People actually said that they enjoy this podcast because of how realistically you navigate the complex issues of the world and how you keep it centered on faith. So to your point, I know it can be a problem, but there are a lot of folks that actually enjoy the way you dissect these issues. So I hope they enjoy this because I think I think I'm going to be in trouble on this one, but but they got they got to listen to all the way through. Right. Right. And and and again like Esther said earlier, like if there's something you want to say, if there are topics you want us to discuss, put it in the comments. We have a community here where we're very uh um um we can promise you that we'll be honest. Absolutely. We'll be PF Unfiltered to the best of our abilities. Well, uh on that note, if you've not subscribed yet, what are you doing? What are you doing? If you're liking this thing, hit the subscribe button. Yep. See y'all later. Subscribe. Peace. This is a doozy. PF Unfiltered.