(0:00)The Season 4 Return
unfiltered. Hey guys, welcome to another episode of PF Unfiltered. My name is Esther Griffin and I'm gladly welcoming back my favorite co-host, Mr. Tundday Mola. It's season 4. I still messed up. You know, it's the American accent. Yeah, probably. Well, everybody, I'm I'm glad to be back. Yeah. Um, hi. I'm I'm PF P from Filter. I don't know what these two are doing. Can we introduce you? A new year, new season. Guys, behave. We wanted to introduce you. Well, yeah. They want to like get me out of the way real quick. And honor you. You are the main person for why we are here. Jesus is the main person why we are here. Sure. No, he's right. No, he's right. Then after Jesus after Jesus Paul no after Jesus no I mean no offense to them they're like like can we continue with anyways back no we are we excited this year um so far coming into the year has been awesome um I want to ask you guys how has the couple of weeks into the new year been for you all before I answer that question I want to quickly do something to Nothing like me. I I appreciate y'all. I I got a lot of like love, you know. I got a lot of like text from like four people that were like, man, someday there's been a minute. I mean, everyone else has been doing great, you know, but we just want you to kind of join the greatness as well. So, thank you guys. I'm back. Hopefully um for the long time. Hopefully, I'm going to get paid. Uh my my two weeks has been great. Right. You said two weeks. Two weeks. You've been gone for like four months. Well, it's it's a new year and and the year has been great. Has been awesome for me. I have I have no no complaints whatsoever. I'm I'm excited. Oh, sorry. I missed that. You were talking about the new year. Oh, my bad. Yeah, I was. Oh, I I thought you were talking about how long you've been gone off the podcast. It's been like four months. But back to your initial question. My bad. It just took me a while, you know. PF, how has the year been going for you so far? It's fine. This is the This is where a few weeks. It's okay. There's nothing that you fine nothing you change. I'm a pastor, not a businessman.
(2:26)Addressing the 'Paid Influence' Rumors
Can you tell them the the church you pastor again? Just for those that don't know house fastest growing church in the fastest growing church. And we did not pay whenever we were given a shout out by a major influencer in the Nigerian um scene. We were not paid. So that comment that said did you people pay them to say it is not true. It's true guys. It was it was fine. We didn't pay anybody to say that. We don't we don't pay people to say I mean but we should they should pay you. Yeah. Please. All right. Now, shout out to our
(2:52)The Theology of Bread & Business
sponsors at Barrett Avenue Bakery. Shout out. Um they've been phenomenal partners. Um we actually have their cookies right there on the table. Feel free to order them. They are fantastic. Do we have code for them? Do we have anything? No promo code. Just order. So they've been using Why are people constantly trying to get something for nothing? Because it's the way like it's like life in general. Like you So let me tell you what the stores do. They they they they set the price high and then they give you a promo code.
(3:16)Are Promo Codes for the Unintelligent?
Yeah. Let's do that. Those promo codes are an implication that we are not very smart people. So are you saying we should set the price high and then do a promo code like the smart people? No. The people who are chasing promo codes are the ones that are not Oh, okay. Guys, make sure you cop one of the uh many flavors of Bar Avenue. Bread, cake, boy, everything. Cookies. Cookies. Um, those guys are really good. They are so good. They're doing a great work. That's so good, by the way. Best bread in the world and my kids love it. Um, the only seven ingredients. Six ingredients. I think six. Yeah. Yeah. And your average grocery store loaf has like 25. Absolutely. Yeah. Ingredients. All of it sounds like something from a chemistry textbook. Exactly. So, if you ask yourself, is there anything out there that still fresh, still clean when the ingredients are not multiple? Baraker. And I heard they were going to change the name of their bread to just bread. Oh, that's just bread. Okay, that's so impressive. All right. I wonder who the creative mind behind all of this is. Very very creative guy. I won't lie to you. You know, I I there's a scripture that says man shall not live by bread alone. Oh, and I agree. When you eat bar, you makes you question. No, you start to think Lord Lord try this bread now. You ask yourself very creative here anyway. Um don't leave me alone. But while we're here today, how much is already paying you by the way? Cuz they need to pay me more. I know, right? Like day is really back. Anyway, sorry.
(4:50)Why Your Goals Are Failing
Uh to the point where while we're here, we're here talking about what day. We're here talking about desire versus discipline. We're here talking about, you know, what people typically call resolutions. Um we do this every year. Why are we talking about resolutions? I know. Oh, it's so cliche. It's ridiculous. Can I talk about something else? No, but what we're really talking about is the is is people's desires. People say they want to do things at the beginning of the year, aka we're now in like second or third week of January, right? You know, people made resolutions. They had a plan about what they were looking for to what they were looking to accomplish in the year and then for whatever reason they're stagnant, right? Things are just not moving forward, right? Um, and so what do you think about like just like discipline versus the desire to do something? How do you think people can get out of the spiral of like not being um motivated to go after their goals? I guess I I think that this is a bit of a challenging issue because I believe personally that if I want something bad enough Mhm. Right? I will find a way to get it. Right? Me not finding a way, it's an indication of how much I don't want it or how little I want it. Right? Um
(6:14)Pursuit is the Proof of Desire
Miles Monroe once said, well, the Bible says that um God grants you the desires of your heart. Yeah. And somebody says that pursuit is the proof of desire. Right. You cannot tell me you desire something you don't pursue. That's good. Right. You can say I want it, right? I like it. But if you really desire it, and in that word desire, there's an implication of passion, right? Of above normal want. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. That desire should motivate you to find a way. If you're not looking for a way, then do we um then do you really want it? Right. It's like if you don't know how to get it, Yeah. and you really want it, then you will find a way, right? What about for those that don't may not have the skill set, right? Like you can you can say that you want to do something, right? And you desire it and you might take one or two steps, right? But then maybe you just get hit with a really big challenge, right? And then you know now it's like there's a roadblock and you can't figure it out right you know there are people that are in that circumstance. Absolutely. Absolutely. But but this is
(7:32)The Roadblock Excuse
this is what I'm trying to say right? If I do not have any external or extraneous to me obstacles right and classic example I want to lose weight. Yeah. Right. So I start doing everything that I know to lose weight. Mhm. Is not working. Right? If I really want to lose weight, then I start asking myself, what I'm doing is not working. What do I need to change? What do I need to do? I don't have that information. Somebody must have that information. Right? I don't know any gym instructors. I don't know any physical fitness experts, but there are people around me. So, I'm going to say, Esther, I really need to lose weight, but I don't know what to do. I've hit a roadblock. And you may not know or have anything to say to help me. And then I'm going to say the same thing to Yeah. And I'm going to say the same thing to our producer, right? And I'm going to say the same thing to everybody I meet. And someone's gonna be like, you know, I know a guy, right? Or someone's gonna say, "Oh, here's a book." Right? But if I sit down
(8:33)The Couch vs. The Goal
in my house and say, "I want to lose weight." Right? And I sit on my comfortable lounge chair with my remote control in my hand and a bowl of popcorn by my side, do I really want to lose weight? Right. Yeah. It sounds a little harsh. Yeah. Right. Because people can say, "I want something," and it kind of excuses them from doing anything about it. Right? It's like society gives you a pass once you just say, "I want something." Right? People were in slavery. They found a way out of it. They showed they fought their way out. You know what I'm saying? Life is full of people being in circumstances or history, sorry, is full of people being in circumstances where they felt discontent, uncom uncomfortable, right? They there's a saying uh proverb where I come from where there's a will. There's a way. There's a way, right? A will will find a way. That's the thing with a will. So, are you saying that if someone doesn't put Okay, I about to say put their money where they mouth is. Hey, no, but like Oh, sorry. It doesn't put to action what they actually desire, then they really don't want it. We can question how much they want it. You can question. Okay. How much? Yeah. As bad as they do. And and and and this is the thing right there are certain limitations in life. Mhm. Right. So you can want something I can want. For example, one of the things I found out um um when I was younger and I was trying to join the military, my doctors or doctor told me that my something about my blood that I could not be in a in one of those uh military planes Mhm. flying at high altitude, right? Because of the pressure and all of those kinds of things. There's certain limitations. Yeah. Right. That life will throw out you. Right. So no matter how much I want to fly a fighter jet. Yeah. Right. My body places a limitation on me. Mhm. Right. That's life. Yeah. Right. But absent such limitations, Right. Absence the limitations of of of nature and the limitations of our physiology and the limitations of the law. Mhm. Right. What are your limitations? What is stopping you? Right. From achieving your goals. Yeah. Right. And and that's part A. Part B is
(10:47)God-Ordained vs. Self-Ordained Goals
where did these goals come from in the first place? What's the motive behind it essentially? No. Are they God orained goals, right? Or are they self-ordained goals, right? Are they the Lord said, right? Or are they, you know what, I want to do this, right? Can it be both? Can it be both? It can be both. Can it can be both? And sometimes it's not both. Okay. Okay. Because I actually just I I went on and I asked to give me the top five goals that people set. Okay. Every new year. Right. Weight loss, improve physical health. Yeah. Any other guesses? No. There. Go ahead. Financial financial improvement. That's mine. Any other guesses? Let's do there's three more. Relational. Read more books. Strengthen relationships. Read more books. Uh well, this one is career career or education growth. Okay. Mhm. And then improving mental health and wellbeing. So what if the goals are maybe they're not necessarily well I don't know how to define well maybe the goals are more society driven goals. The goals that we think as a society are expected of us as societ. And those don't need to be necessarily God. Um let me not say that. Let me be careful about that. But the Lord doesn't need to tell you lose weight to lose weight. If you need to if you know that you need to lose weight then lose weight. Exactly. So, so this is what I say about
(12:12)The Weight Loss Reality Check
about weight loss. As somebody who struggles with with weight, right? If you want to lose weight, there's certain limitations. Your genetics can be a limitation. Sure. But absence your genetics, right? It's in your hands. Mhm. Calorie deficit. Eat less, move more. Mhm. Weight is the biggest hindrance to APF. Like for example, let's say I want to lose weight and I know it's in my hand, but I don't. absent physiological genetic limitations, right? Absence, you know, malfunctioning, hormones and thyroids and all of those things, right? Things I I think I think there's a lot of pleasure e in eating, right? Yep. Yeah. There's a lot of there's a lot of immediate immediate feedback pleasurable and immediate feedback. Yeah. that food gives. That's number one. We don't talk about that enough, right? And number two, moving can be hard. It can't. I agree with that. Moving. No, moving exercise. Exercise can be hard. It's not can it is hard. It it it gets harder. It's painful. It gets harder, right? It gets harder. Right. And it gets painful, right? It is easier for me to sit down in my couch, right? And I'm not trying to stereotype anybody and be eating. It's just a pleasure a bombardment of pleasure initially until I look at myself in the mirror I'm like damn too.
(13:45)Pleasure vs. Discipline
Yeah. Yeah. But that that creative bombardment so when you so when you look at yourself in the mirror so here when you look at yourself in the mirror and you're like dang it's usually because oh there's an event and your clothes don't fit. Uhhuh. Right. Yep. But then the event passes. Mhm. And then the next meal time comes. Mhm. Right. And the next meal time immediately gives you feedback. Yep. Right. But think about it. You you lose weight, you go for an event and nobody even notices what you're wearing. Mhm. But every time you eat, you know, sugar, it feels so good. It feels so freaking good, right? When you're down, you eat, you feel better. Right? When you are stressed, you eat, you feel better. You know, eating is is is legal pleasure. Yeah. So are you saying that or what I'm hearing you say is that if a way I can control my indulged eating is to is to not be a stress. What does the Bible? Oh because stress is a stress. So so let me tell you things that make people eat that as far as I know and this is from it's not from the Bible. It's not from Bible and it's not from science. It's just what I see. Translate to what you see. What I see? Yes. Boredom. Mhm. Okay. When people are bored, they eat. Yes. Because they have to fill up the time. Yeah. No, just eating is fun. Mhm. Sometimes. No. No. Eating is fun. Let me tell you when Let me tell you when eating strawberries. Let me tell you when eating is not fun. Eating is not fun when you're eating salads. Why? Salads are good. Goats eat salad. Goat eat salads. Please. Salad is not saying that if you eat salad goat. I'm saying mindful. That's what I'm saying because now they will tell me I need to apologize to all the salad eaters out there. My wife eats salad and I promise you she's not a goat. Exactly. And my wife, if you're listening to this, I also call you a goat. I'm just saying that you know vegetation. It's for It's for you setting me up. If I have to apologize, you apologize. You're going to sit next to me and apologize. Okay. So when people are bored, yeah, dopamine, right, is very nice. Mhm. When people are stressed. Yes. Right. And then when you're hungry and then when you're happy. Mhm. Because if I if I can control the stress, then the chances are slim. But that's not the only thing you can you can't control everything. It's one of many things. You can't control. If my thing is stress, if your thing is stress, then then you then you manage the stress. Yeah. Right. Manage the stress. Manage the stress. Right. Manage the stress. If it's boredom, manage the boredom. If you just like food and there are people who just like food. Yeah. Right. They just so much you can't eat. Now, that's the thing. The human body can adapt. Have you not seen and take more? What's that show that with the people that's like 700 lb? Let's run that past. Let's run it by HR first before we Yes, please. because we are seeing it on TV. I know. Let's just run it by HR. So, so this is the thing. This is the thing. This is the challenge. This is the challenge that we have, right? Uh I think a society creates cookie cutter um um standards for everybody. Mhm. That really don't fit everybody. Right. You assume that somebody is eating because they're in disciplined, right? Or you assume somebody's eating because they are stressed. Someone is eating because they are bored. Right? I think we have to let people decide what matters to them. Right? Beyond of course if you are you are unhealthy and your your lack of good health then impacts the social safety net. Right. Mhm. You know so then it it is my business because you're jacking up you're making the price of my healthcare go up. Okay. Right. So it's it's it's complex. Right. Particularly that that whole food issue. Right. But I think that fundamentally if you want something and there are no natural impediments right then you need to ask yourself why don't you have it I was going to add this when you're initially making the comment around no or you asked the question around like what do people need to do I initially thought of people don't open their mouths enough to go and to go after what they want or what they need. Mhm. Like when you were when you were talking about exercise, I don't know. I don't know anybody. You don't know anybody. And I was just thinking like I think when I think of outside of like people that um that have you know issues or you know um pre-existing conditions when you want to lose weight, you talk to the people that you know can help you lose weight. And I was going to say people don't talk enough. People don't share their goals enough and have people hold them accountable to the goals that they have for themselves. Right. I I honestly right I'm a little uncomfortable talking about the whole weight issue because weight is the weight thing is a lot more complex right but this is what I be I know people who have tried every single diet didn't work right and then did surgery and it worked but even with surgery you still have to exercise discipline because you can do the surgery the the buriatric surgery I think there are different different types of it you could do the surgery But and your cap your ability to eat more mhm is significantly phys physically diminished but you keep pushing yourself right until the surgery is of non effect right still there's a self discipline required so people ultimately right at some point in time to exercise to achieve your goals there's going to be a need for some kind of discipline right does that mean that it's going to be dis discomfort does does discipline mean discomfort? I think I think I think discipline is inherent in discipline is discomfort and that's a hard truth for a lot of people. Inherent in this because you the idea of discipline is you preventing or stopping yourself from doing the things you want in order to get the things you want. Right? So there's financial discipline, right? There's um relational discipline. Yeah. Right. picking up the phone and calling people that you want a stronger relationship with as opposed to just blowing it off. Yeah. Right. Having uncomfortable conversations, right? Having conversation with people who you may not find the most interesting but you value the relationship with them. Right. Everything ultimately has a discipline component to it. Right? And many times, not all the time, not all the time, but many times when we don't achieve our goals, right? Let's look at what we're investing in achieving those goals, right? In terms of time. Yeah. In terms of resources, right? So, everybody wants to start a business. Yeah. Everyone don't start a business. You've got a good idea. You got a good product. Doesn't make you a businessman. M right you need a skill in terms of you need knowledge of how to conduct business. Mhm. Right. You need knowledge about this products. Right. This industry, this market you're trying to get into. Y right. And then you need tenacity, right? Yeah. Tenacity. You need time. I like that. You need time. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Now we all have the same 24 hours. Mhm. Right. I was we were talking about that you asking me today that what time do I have to do something? And I said I I make time. I don't watch TV anymore. So for me, right, I have to discipline myself and sit down and learn the skills I need. Right? Because I wasn't born with those skills. I didn't go to school for those skills. So I have to learn it. And thank God there a lot of material out there. Mhm. Right. So, I sit down and I watch the videos and I watch the videos and I watch the videos over and over again and I read the books and I read the books and I read the books and I get to my console and I try and I experiment and I fail and I'm up until 3:00 a.m. trying and trying and trying and trying and trying and then I make $5. Ah, after 18 hours. Give me a second. Okay. Right. So, what do I do? Give it up? Yep. No, you need tenacity. Exactly. So, tomorrow I'm I'm at it again. Yeah. Right. But it's costing me Yeah. It's costing me television time, right? It's costing me uh uh uh uh time out with the boys. But I have a question. Is it really a cost? It is a cost. Yeah. And so would you rather watch TV then? Yeah. So like and there was what I was going to interject and forgive me for the oversimplification of PF is like what I'm hearing for someone like me, what I'm hearing is this. for what I truly desire, what I truly want. Something has to get. Something got to give, man. Something has to get because I can easily say like and but eas I can say I can start the new year say okay I want to lose weight. I want to improve my finances. I want to I want to save more. You want to improve your finances but you will not stop spending or spending or you will not stop even let's not even talk about spending. Right. Spending is you're pulling the trigger. Right. Right. You stop admiring the bullets and the gun every day. You sit down in front of your computer window shopping and you're planning to stop spending. Euroba people say the meat you don't want to swallow. You don't put it in your nose. I say to people, can you say there's the same thing? The meat that you do not want to swallow, you put it near your nose. It doesn't sound Yeah. It doesn't It doesn't sound right. But that's the meat you don't want to eat. Don't rub it on your nose because the distance from your nose to your mouth is very short. It's just your home and it's gone. And and and that's the thing, right? So So you say, "Oh, I I don't want to I'm going to spend less this year." Right? That's great. But as soon as you open your computer, H&M, Zara, uh, who is doing sale industry. Imagine, you know, you have a guy, you know, you know, has has two kids, young kids, told himself, look, this year, you know, I've been a little bit sorry, he has been a little bit reckless. Let's be clear. So this year, he's like, look, I need to like I want to lead my family in a way that is responsible financially and I want to be an example. I want to just talk, right? And then in this particular scenario, there are certain things that this guy Yeah. There's certain things he Thank you. I keep referring to him as me as if I'm there individual that occurs in his life that he can't control like for example someone got sick, someone lost their job or particular company downsized. Yeah. Right. How does that individual now meet that goal? Because again to your point technically wasn't things are things are outside of his control but still he still needs to save more money for these beautiful young children for now. So so so so it's you you you have variables okay in life right you can't control who is downsizing and who is not. Mhm. You can't control who falls sick and who doesn't. Mhm. Right. And those can put a dent in your finances. Facts. Right. But the things you can control, you control. Mhm. So you're saying we got Okay. You're saying the things you Okay. Yeah. That that's You see this is right. We we we spend so much time focusing on the things we have no control over and the things that we can control, we leave them, right? So, so this person is waiting until the downsizing is is right sized, right? To put finances in order. Meanwhile, there's this $8 coffee they buy every day, right? But it's just $8. How you know the price though? Yeah. Coffee is expensive, bro. It's $8 for real. It's $8 at at some places. Some places is not, but in some places $8, right? So you're saying, well, it's just $8 when I get when they upsize or right size, then I will fix my finances. But those $8, think about it. If you if you get $8 coffee five times a week, it's 40. That's 40 bucks a week. That's $160 a month, right? Or rather 40 time 52, right? And you might even tip too cuz Right. And now now they put the tip. Yeah. You order and they ask you, do you want to know the worst part? Just look at you like this. And guess what I did? Like you don't have to. Yeah. Exactly. Like who's who's good? Who's good? You don't have to. That thing is that that thing that they're doing is very manipulative, right? And is is is is so is so inappropriate. You are forcing me to tip without even rendering the service. But to be fair, they're not really forced on us. No, no, no. It is manipulative. They understand human psychology. Yes. Yes. Before you serve me my coffee, you demand. Not really demand. Yeah. You're like, you just put that thing in my face. You don't have to. And I start to think, so in my mind I'm like, so if I don't tip, are they going to spit in my coffee? Is my coffee going to come out late or or what? Oh, I'm thinking like, ah, PF preached sermon on Sunday about giving freely today. Like this is not freely giving. This is this is literally somebody has got an emotional gun to my head. Yeah, that's how I feel for me. I don't honestly. And guess what? And guess what? Guess what? Guess what? Guess what? I I I tip. I always tip, right? No, I tip. Now when they do that, let me tip. But can I be honest with you? There is no there's no joy in it when they do that to you. So why you do it? Be a cheerful because No, because I've been told they are paid change. It's still useful even though it's useful but but but I feel like I feel like Oh god. There are nicer ways. Anyway, we digress. So you are spending you're spending 8 $8 time 52. Mhm. Sorry. No, it was was more than that. Time 52. That's 2K, right? 2K a year on coffee. You buy some coffee and brew it in your house, right? It cost you 20 bucks, maybe $40 over that one year, right? You can control how much you spend on coffee. I tweeted to this guy actually. Shout out to his beautiful wife because I just know that she actually said, "Fam, like you need to stop this. Stop this. I can brew the coffee." And to your point, there's a lot of savings so far in life. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. So, so when we say these kinds of things, right, you've got subscriptions to Hulu, to Disney, to Peacock to Netflix to Paramount to HBO Max to to Spotify, to Netflix, to Amazon Prime, but you only watch soccer on Saturday mornings, Uber Eats, you can cook, one Door Dash, Instacart. You've got all of these things that are taking $55 here, $6 here, $7 here, $1. You've got subscription to the New York Times, Washington Post, Dallas News. Truth $7, $8, $12, right? And but we're not looking at those things. We're looking at the upsizer and the down. Yes. Control what you can control first, right? And then let's look to God. I want to say this. We're not ignorant of all the different things that tempt us, but it's like we have to decide that we're going to be disciplined. Like I think how do you decide to be disciplined? It's a decision. It's either going to be disciplined or not. He's either going to get up or you're not. I feel like if it was that easy, a lot will be disappointed. No, but you just Oh, no. I'm going be honest. I think I think it's simple but it's hard. This is what I think. I think again remove genetics, remove physiology because those things in introduce variables and complications into everybody's capacity. Can I also say this? people that are maybe suffering cuz I'm we talked a little bit about this last year suffering depression and things like that right that's what I mean right removing all those right variables you know the neurode divergent folks and all of those things right we all exercise discipline in some area or the other right we choose to some degree where we will not exercise the discipline it's like couples right you go to work and your boss talks to you some type of way and you zip it. You don't say anything. Oh, and you go home and your spouse talks to you less asabically than your boss did, less negatively than your boss and you let them have it, right? Are you saying like are you saying with your boss? Yeah. You chose discipline. Yeah. With your spouse you chose no discipline. Mhm. To me, I feel like with your boss, you chose your paycheck. For your paycheck, we chose discipline. For marital happiness, you're like, n leave that matter. I feel like I wouldn't even for I feel like more so like with with your spouse, you chose to be inconsiderate. Violent. Whatever it is you chose, you didn't choose discipline. Right. Right. I don't think they even when he came today, I don't think they chose it. I think it was a No, they chose it. Well, maybe that's like it's a reaction. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. Let me tell you, when somebody says something bad to you, something rude, disrespectful, whatever to you outside, right? You make a split-second decision on how to respond. You have the tools, your mouth, your tongue, everything is as sharp as it ever were. Mhm. But you said, you know, we're not going to do this today. Mhm. And then you go home and somebody says something less costic to you. You make a splitsecond decision. I'm not going to let this slide. Sorry. Less what? Costic. Season four. Context. I didn't even ask. Less costic. I just used my context. Costic. C A U S T I C. Like producer, please, can you can you find less irritating, less um less acidic, less spicy? Oh, sorry. I'm Jesus. for some okay some some something less rude okay okay and you make a you make a split second decision also that you know this person is going to pay for this right we're constantly making decisions and we back up our decisions with the reinforcement of our will when we choose right I guess I'm seeing it like is it not like a like a like a like a like it was like a you know when you know this is there's security here. M so that response the fear kicks in like better behave yourself because you know that your paycheck is paycheck is at stake but there's no paycheck here right so that response doesn't even kick in you know because you didn't want to abuse that or so okay so so so because you did math and said ah my paycheck is at stake here let me be quiet that that is the analysis but that math was in like 8 millconds right it's even even even less than that because of that fear even less than that but but we we can't ignore that there's math not yet It's a calculation, right? And you have to, you know, sometimes your boss will say something and everything on inside of you is like, man, forget this job. Forget this money. Let me tell this guy off. And then you just remember your little baby, right? I just kid, right? Right. But you go home and poor Wendy says something out of turn, right? Like never like today, why why did you leave your drawers on the floor? I don't even do I don't even do that though. at your big age. At your big age, I don't even do that. Leave your draws on until like I'm sorry. What did you say? This is my house. Then you start speaking Euroba. I'm telling you, let me tell you something. And Wendy can testify to this. Like I am an amazing husband. Even I don't do that. Yeah. I don't do Now, I mean, I have a lot of flaws, right? But but to to your point, I think I'm getting it now. Like there are situations in which I I can choose to do the right thing. No, not there. You are constantly choosing constantly doing it and and all of us are doing it and there others were like you choose not to right. So when you choose to do something and you see the costbenefit analysis you put the resources behind it. Yeah. Right. And the resource with your boss is willpower. Right. And everything inside you is boiling but you just you just keep quiet. Yeah. It's not that you're not upset. It's not that you didn't see the slight just you just you cold yourself. You understand what could be at stake. H sometimes say you chest it and you go right but then there are other scenarios right where you make a decision not to put the resources behind it and sometimes your spouse like you know I'm going to let this slide I'm just going to leave this alone this thing she said I'm not going to make an issue out of it then you walk out of there you come back and say that thing you said and that's because you've decided you know what I'm going to give this I'm going to I'm not going to say anything but you don't put any resources behind it so that decision is standing by itself there's no willpower behind it. So, it falls very quickly. I just want to let the people know if you're guilty, just say I. Mhm. Mhm. Say it to your head though cuz if your spouse is next to you, say I. No, me. I'm not. Bro, you don't just say I'm not with decisions, right? And resolutions and all of those things, right? Right. If this thing matters to you for real, for real, for real. Not you are saying it matters because everybody is saying it matters but you really cuz there are some things that I really don't care about when you really get down to but everybody says I should care about it. Yeah. It's like let's talk about weight in that sense. There's some people who really don't care. Mhm. Do you know that there was a time when I had a suit in three sizes? The same suit in three sizes. I had it in a 42, in a 44, and in a 46. PF Why? Cuz I didn't care. I just You know what? But I need to wear the suit. It doesn't fit. I wear I go the next size up. Wow. I didn't care until my doctor told me brush. You better care or else or else you there's no condemnation in Christ Jesus. So, but every time everybody's talking about, oh, exercise me too. I be talking about, oh yeah, I need to do this. I even signed up for the gym, but I never went. Wow. People can be performative with some of these things. Somebody's telling you, ah, I need money. I'm going to I'm going to hustle. But they are okay and if they were left alone on they the only people on the planet they'll be okay with what they have. But if they were to say they were okay everybody would look at them like what kind of NFA are you? So they go through the motions of oh I want this I want that. They sometimes people don't want some of these things that they say they want. It's all because of peer pressure. Peer pressure. It's like you don't have a car in Dallas and people are saying oh if you if you're serious you need a car. Are you going to get up and say me I don't want a car. I'm okay with standing at the bus stop. Then they will tell you that you're wasting your life. Ah because in this Dallas you don't have. So you are going to start talking about how you know what I need to get a car. But in your mind you're like okay it's not like I have anything going. If I'm at the bus stop for 30 minutes maybe you know because I'm a dry guy but I feel like that that context will not face me. That's in Dallas. Maybe because I'm a dry. Maybe because so so we we we know that you are odd. Yeah. There's something missing. No no you're just odd. Yeah. It's all there. Maybe there's even too much there. Too many marbles. But but but I mean Okay. But but but the point I'm trying to make is that if we have goals, right, we don't always have the tools. Mhm. We don't. But if we're sincere Mhm. we will find the tools. Yeah. Okay. So what like I guess let's one more segment sponsored by Bar Avenue. Seriously guys, if you want to sponsor the podcast, if you feel like why is he always baring and sponsoring this podcast, want to contribute, hit us up at sponsors at pfilter.com. Exactly. Again, it is sponsors at pfenfilter.com. Lord's work. So, this segment sponsored by Baranese, let's call it solutions, not just talk. Why do people do that? annoying naturally. Oh, that's good. That's good. What's good? No, it's a good word. This is what is annoying me now. I'm going to shoot somebody. I'm going to shoot somebody on this clock. I'm going to like please stop. Stop. You know, at first I was like, there's actually two is this one and there's this one. Oh, what is what's the difference? Oh, there two for the audience. What's the difference? I'm not I'm not a Jenzi me, but you know, you just told us the difference cuz I just do like this when I want to do it. So how do you so you actually do it? I do it. So what if what if this there's certain things that be like very for those that get it? They get it. Back to the segment. Back to the segment brought to you by bar revenue called solutions. Solutions. Um how how would you if you were to give a solution for the individual obviously that to your point is struggling between discerning desire and discipline. or doesn't realize that they're actually always choices when it's convenient or when it's safe for them, right? So, they have a certain level of control. Yeah. So, when it comes to a particular goal or resolution, whatever you want to call it, what solution would you tell that that individual as to like how do I achieve that? You cannot achieve your desires without discipline. Right? If you don't know how to go about what you want, you need to educate yourself. Right? If you cannot do it by yourself, you need to find people to help you. Right? I think for me these things are I don't mean to sound rude or condescending common sense. If I want to go somewhere I don't know how to get there. Mhm. Right. I will ask somebody who's gone ahead, who's been there. Yeah. Right. I'll ask somebody who's done it before. And we live in a world where there's a plethora of opportunities to get information. I I need to say this because it's just it just been coming back. People are scared to act to say the goals that they have sometimes because they don't want people to either like maybe it's a maybe it's a Nigerian thing cuz I'm Nigerian but it's like don't say out loud so people won't compromise the goal that you have. The goal is not biting you then or like the desire that you have to do something. It's not biting you because I'm like let me tell you something. If you want something, if you want something bad enough, right, it's like oxygen. Let somebody try and hold your nose, right? You bite the person's finger. You're not caring whether the hand is dirty or not or where the hand has been. Yeah. Is when you don't want to when you you are ready to die. Then you be like, "Oh my god, I can't bite this hand. It smells a bit, you know, ah you do what you got to do to get what you want." So that's good. What solution would you have? I guess maybe let me like do like a piggy off of what you're saying. like someone that has decision paralysis. Is it the same thing? Like is it not decision paral decision paralysis is fear driven? Okay. Right. You're so afraid of a contrary outcome. You're stuck. So you can't decide. Right. The just shall live by faith. Amen. And not by sight. Amen. Right. We're led by the Holy Spirit, not by our fears, not by our sight. If the Bible says, hey, a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways, decision paralysis can become like a double-mindedness. Should I go left? Should I go? Okay, I'm going left. No, I'm going to go right. I'm going. Indecisiveness is driven by fear. Right? In this life, you will never know everything 100%. Some things you will know. Some things you will know. I know that if I mix milk, eggs, um um heavy cream, some milk, some yeast, and some flour, you're going to get a fantastic loaf of bread. Okay. I was like, wait, is that how you go with that? Yeah, cuz I was like thinking like, okay, I know that for certain. Okay, I'm going to get a fantastic loaf of bread. But once I throw in some avocado, um I know what you're going to get with that. Just some vomit. But if I then throw in um some plantain. Okay. I have no idea what's going to come out of it. It still won't be bread. That might that might slap. I'm just I'm just planting cake. I'm just trying to say I'm just trying to say that. Yeah. So you don't know. You don't know for certain. It might not. Yeah. Right. I don't know for certain. So that's life. It's like marriage. You never know what you're going to get. No. You think you know saying not to marry those people that listen he's not say he's saying I'm saying I'm saying I'm saying that what you think you know you don't know about a person right when you marry them you find out even they didn't know some things about themselves that's it you'll find out that they are me I thought I knew me and then I got married and I found this guy I thought I knew my wife and then I married. I'm like what? Even too she was like what? You know what PF just gave me? And some things were great. I found out about some fantastic things and she found out some fantastic things about me. But then we found out some other things that were like oh wow. Really? That's life. Yeah. What's that thing that Forest Gump said? Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know which one you're going to get. It's been a long time. It's just going to be sweet. The fact that y'all remember that quote, that movie is very old. I'm old. I'm 57 years old. You are wise and you've lived graciously. Age has brought me some but I'm old. Yeah. 50 something years young. 57 young. In 3 years I'll be 60. You know what that mean? 60 years young. I'm ready for retirement. Wow. If somebody's go real quick, I know we Somebody's goal was to cuz this when you mentioned my old I mean but but from your like um vantage point from your perhaps if somebody were to have a goal that by the end of this year I want to get married because this is a good point about like you get, you know, you don't know what you're going to get, but the person has a timeline that I want to get married. Absolutely. So, how do you marry the two cuz you don't know what you're going to get. Well, you said you want to get married. Yeah. You can get married. You can get married now. Anybody. It's who you want to marry. And what kind of person you want to marry? Trying to help. You can marry in 5 minutes. Mhm. That's hard. We're trying to help the guys. I know. I get Yeah. In timing and that's No, but the person's goal is a year. No. The person said a year and and I'm saying if your goal is to marry in a year, male or female, right? You can marry in a year. Yeah, that I guess that was the problem is this, right? Who you want to marry? Would that person want to marry you? That's problem number one. Problem number two, the kind of person you want to marry. Right. So, you want to marry somebody who is, let's say, a a Fortune 500 CEO. Mhm. But even those are hard to come by. There only 500 of them. Greedy person. Only 500 of them by the way. I'm just saying. But there only 500 of them. Yeah. And what are you doing? Right. Life is I said what you bring to the table. That's what I said. I said what are you doing? See what I That's not what he said though. That's what That's what you heard. That's what you heard. That's not what he said. See, let me Can I be honest with you? Can be honest with you. Everybody says they want to marry, they don't want to marry, they don't want to marry. Can I be honest with you? Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to marry yet. You're not ready to marry. They're not ready to marry. Producer, if you are ready to marry another episode, if you're ready to marry, I can send you five guys today. But but you know what happened? Oh, he's too short. That's about what she's going to tell me. Actually, that's true. Immediately going to be like he's too short. I had I had I had a I had a a How tall are you? Six 510. I had a girl long long time ago. Long long long long time ago that was talking to a long time ago that said that said you know what like you were cool like you're everything I wore in a guy short. Can you imagine madness? As if as if you go to the bank and say you go to the bank and they're like um do you want to deposit some money? Only six footers can deposit money here. Yeah, it kind of I'm talking to you and I'm talking to you by full chest. You know yourself. We can kind of turn the camera so they can see what I'm talking to. So, so that kind I'm talking about goals, right? Said by the end of this to be married. Okay. It's very doable. But ah no, anybody under 510 not apply. How many people are over 510? Yeah. with uh and even and they are 40 not 4500 40 what is your 4500 some right so there they there are constraints and there are limitations right that are beyond a person's control but within the context of what is in our control sometimes you have to ask do people really want what they say they want that's a takeaway that's a takeaway question let's ask ourselves what We say we want, do we actually really want it? Yeah. Right. Put it in the comments. Yeah, put in the comments. And if you have something negative to say about Tund, feel free to put in the comments. Put in the comments. Quite frankly, where I'm at in life, it doesn't face. Put what you want to put there. Your mouth is your voice. Like, share. Obviously, comment. Yeah. Yeah. If you if you and you know, we want to do something different this year, right? So, if you guys are enjoying this, like, share, and and and subscribe. If you're not enjoying this, like, share, subscribe. punish somebody with it. You could do that, too. You could punish somebody with it. Yeah. You know, I hate you listen to, right? But seriously, hit the subscribe button because if not for obviously God's grace, PF's wisdom. Yeah. Some of our nonsense behavior and I'm not there with you. Some of our And to be fair, like you guys' support, we wouldn't have gone from what 59 subscribers to almost 20K. So, we want to go to 50,000. Wait, wait, wait. Why am I not getting any money? because we've not got Anyways guys, thank you guys so much. Why am I not Wait, no, no, no, no. We're not rushing past this. We'll see you guys. Producer, why am I not getting any money? We can we can get it after after. But but thank you guys for your support and then for your interest and for having the conversations. It all helps. Like, subscribe and share, right? And buy cake from Bar Avenue. And buy cake from Bar Avenue or bread. Just bread. Yeah. Peace, guys. Later. Unfiltered.