(0:00)The Pettiest Red Flag Ever
What is the pettiest red flag you've ever had? I think so. I'm married so I don't technically have red flags, but if I was single, one thing that would make me cancel a person is if I can see their wig. That's that thing. That that wig thing, you know, that thing, the fabric, and then you can see the hairline, the lace. You can see the lace and you can see the hairline. Like, come on now. unfiltered.
(0:32)Welcome to PF Unfiltered
Welcome to another episode of PF Unfiltered, where we talk about all things the Christ. Christ, right? Christ. The church. I hope so. Christ, sorry. The church and our world. My name is Mola aka Young Toney. Um, I'm joined by my co-host Roslin Aoha or Bisah. All right, guys. I still don't get it. How are you, Roslin? or what? Anoha. Anoha. Yes, sir. Okay. So, you're from the eastern part of Nigeria. My mom My mom is your dad is Ebo. Okay. That's that's what was causing the confusion cuz I wasn't quite clear on that. Oh, yeah. Um I just go by here because I tend to find out there's a lot of Eurobas here and then he sends a lot of EOS, but they call me Adama over there. Oh, for you're not Ebo. I am Ebo. My daddy is Ebo. My name is Bi. My mom is Were you paying attention? I think you need to watch the episode on listening on on disagreeing. Well, y'all, do you want to introduce yourself? My name is Fe. And I am um the PF in PF. Yeah. Pastor Fe. No. No. No. No. Okay. Not Pastor Fe. All right. Well,
(1:53)The 'Bad Lace' Debate
Pastor Fe, this episode it's a special one. Um, we will be going over relationship red flags. And I want to start out by saying, what is the pettiest red flag you've ever had? I think so. I'm married, so I don't technically have red flags. And just a disclaimer, I have an issue with the idea of red flags, but if I was single, one thing that would make me cancel a person is if I can see their wig. That's that thing. that that wig thing, you know, that thing, the fabric. And then you can see the hairline. The lace. You can see the lace and you can see the hairline. Like, come on now. And some people wear that thing like it's a like it's supposed to be. No, no, no. Let him cook. Let him cook. I see somebody and I can see their list. Can't look at anything else. I'm just like, can you can you just Is it that distracting? Oh my god, it's horrible. Sometimes. Sometimes. It's not just that it's distracting. It just gives this vibe of lack of effort. Dang. Um. Wow. That's it. That's what you call it, right? Yeah. It could be lack of expertise. Not really effort. Like then keep your hair. Don't Don't wait. It looks raz. Well, I mean, honestly, I'm just silent because sometimes Okay, let's move on. Does Does anybody disagree with me? I don't disagree. I silently I don't I don't I don't disagree. So, why can't we why can't we call people out and say, "Can you go fix your wig?" And, you know, we don't want to see the lace. I think it's the way we have to go about it cuz people get offended when you're trying to help them. And it's just like, "No, I just want to help you." But it's it's not about helping you. It's like this is not It's like showing your underwear. Don't Don't do it. Well, that's that's your life. Do you have a No, I mean I have problems with it. Serious problems. I don't know. Honestly, I'm married and my wife I think for me now just following the same theme for if for if a girl has too much makeup. Yeah, I don't know. It's it's a problem. Yeah, it distracting. Well, maybe not say you'reing but like say that. Can I can I can I tell my own makeup?
(4:12)When Makeup Goes Too Far
Yeah. I went to a wedding once recently. I'm a pastor. Okay. And all of these folks are in my church and I love, you know, all of love all of them. Yeah. People were say hello to me and I didn't recognize them right off the bat. Oh. Oh, come on now. Oh, I kid you not. What's the point of wearing so much makeup that you look like someone else? Yeah, I think that Yeah, it doesn't enhance. You're literally wearing you look like someone else and then you see some pictures and you're like is this the same person in the picture? What's the point? But you don't have problems with just a little bit of makeup. Cuz some men will be like I don't want my woman to wear no makeup and then they find women that have makeup on but they're thinking like she doesn't have any makeup on. It's just like yes she does. She has makeup on. Yeah. I don't She's done it's done so well that you can't like you're wearing makeup. I can tell you're wearing makeup but it looks good. It doesn't look like I if I saw you outside, I would know it was you. I would not be like, "Hi." Oh, Remy. You know how embarrassing it is? Like, can I be honest with you? People are saying, "I'm so pretty. I'm so pretty." But it's not really me they are saying, "Am I really pretty? The makeup has changed how I look to the point where they are paying compliments to someone else." Okay. I I don't get that. I would rather compliments. Well, I have a red flag. It was like It
(5:42)The 'Fufu Flavor' Breath Problem
was It was petty, but I mean, I don't know. It should be petty. That's the whole point of this. But the thing is that Okay, so I don't think I don't think it was, but I guess somebody else would. But the guy like had like a really like big bottom lip and and his mouth was always open. Like I don't Yeah, I don't know. I do it. That that that that is not a red flag. That is not a red flag. No, no, no, no. Because it's not his fault. He was born. No, he could close his mouth. He just like Oh, so it's not the lip. He just prefers to just leave his mouth open. What if What if the bottom lip is so heavy that he's dragging it down? Oh my god. You guys You guys You guys tried to close it, but you can't. His red flag is red flag. You are wrong. No, but listen. Because he kept his mouth so open, his breath followed to stink because so I just I just Okay. Yeah. That that that's giving unhygienic. Exactly. So just Oh, I just thought that maybe it's cuz he just left his mouth so open so the mouth is so dry. Fufu flavor. Fufu flavor. No, I've not heard about that. That when somebody's breath is kicking, say got fu flavor. I've never heard of that. But fu fu fufu smells bad. It does fufu. Yeah. I don't I don't I don't eat fufu. Oh, nasty. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I don't eat. See, your breath is giving fufu flavor. That's the ultimate insult. Say full of dead men's bones like somebody died in your mouth. We're not We're not going to restart this episode, right? We're going to keep going. We're going to keep going. Okay, on that note, on that note, let's bring it back to why we're actually here talking about this, right? Let's get serious because relationships are a big deal, right? But just to clarify, that's a big red flag. That fu flavor thing. Yeah, it is like just Yeah. And you you literally have to be praying in tongues to kiss your husband. Yeah. But you are you crying? I'm laughing. It's so funny. Father, help me as I as I kiss this man. That that that would be extremely popular. But in that context, what would you do? You just give him someint some mint or help him raise his lower level. That that's why it's for flavor overpowers. That's dentist level issues. Okay, let's let's get personal. Oh yeah. By the way, this is not my red flag. Who is this red flag? So So when you guys are writing your comments, she's the one I was just articulating her thoughts. Thank you. Thank you. Glad to be my sister. So P can you can you let the audience know why we're
(8:25)Why We Talk Relationships
actually talking about this? I think so one of the challenge one of I spend more time talking about relationships than anything else. Yeah. Right. I spend more time and and you would be shocked that most of those conversations about relationships are about romantic relationships. I would say 80% of my conversations are about romantic relationships. uh 20% sorry 10% would be about other relationships and then 10% life and career right all of it from a scriptural perspective of course cuz that's the only place which I have any expertise but relationships are the primary driver of my conversations and a lot of the time you want to say to somebody when they describing what they're going through in a relationship how did you not see this right what how did you miss this because it It was just there. I I I struggle with the concept of red flags in in the sense that everybody now is more focused on finding red flags than seeing green flags, right? So people are walking around more afraid than full of faith, right? We we see the giants and we run from the promised land sometimes, right? But that does not take away from the fact that there are things that you should be concerned about when you see or when you hear, right? Like what I
(9:46)The 'Female' Vocabulary Red Flag
always say, and I brought this up a couple of weeks ago, when a man calls women females, right? Even though it's a um grammatically correct term, it's it's not a biologically inappropriate word, but there's a culture that goes with language, right? The people who use that expression, that word female, right? or they use this other term um provide and protect. I find that many time they have a very on on on inaccurate perception of the role of women in their lives, right? They have an inaccurate perception of what the Bible says about women, right? And many times they come from a male superiority place. So if you meet somebody who calls women females, I would ask that you dig a little deeper. And if you meet a man that says he wants to provide and protect, I would ask that you dig very deep because without provide and protect comes with barefoot and pregnant.
(10:45)Is 'Provide and Protect' an Identity?
Well, speaking of So, I want to get to make this a little more personal because I feel like I have been that guy that I've used the word provide. I don't the female one is just throwing me off cuz I don't know. Yeah. But I've been the guy that has that has called my wife looking like I want to provide and protect in the right context in my opinion. I don't know if maybe I should do some soul searching to see if there's something. Well, you don't you don't you don't come across as I've not seen any interaction with all my interaction with you. I don't get the perception that you are one of those guys that think women are less than. Thank you, sir. than they are. Thank you. And if you do, you've hidden it quite well. I appreciate it. Well, no, no, I don't appreciate that, but I thank you for the Yeah. Okay. Okay. Provide again, female is a legitimate word. Provide and protect. Legitimate terms, right? But there's a way it is thrown around as an identity. Oh, I'm all about provide and protect. You know, that's what a man is supposed to do. Provide and protect. Now, if you said to your wife, I want to provide for you. I want to protect you. That's a different context than wearing it like a badge, like a like a like an identity. I'm a provider and protect man, you know, and all of these females, you know, it's just I get that. Yeah. There's a there's a there's a there's a space, you know, I I heard I I didn't even know this. I just and this is from experience, by the way. is not something I read in a book is that when I'm counseling with people, right, I noticed a pattern with people who spoke a particular way, right? And that is why that whole just word of advice. Anybody says to you, I'm all about provide and protect, go and do some research. All right. Well, I mean, Gim, do you want to share from a female perspective um what that term, if a guy says females, what that does? What that does? I mean, I just don't know why they will use females. Like, you use females on animals on Thank you. Like, and I'm not an animal. Actually, I actually hadn't thought about it like that. Yeah, like they call It's the same term. It's the same term. You don't call a a female dog a woman. Yeah, you don't. You don't. Does it apply to the the males? I'm I'm I'm generally confused. I'm not trying to defend. Nobody calls a male and be like, "Hey, male like or males." This they say men or men. Women don't women don't call men males. They call it men. If you're going to say males, you're referring to like uh animal uh reaction. Actually, you know, thank you. I actually hadn't thought about that. It's actually a very I I I got the vibe of it, right? and the pattern in the behavior of the people who use it. But I never actually understood that it's actually a reference for that's the way we talk about animals. So that's what they think of women. Yeah. Yeah. I mean that's not what I think but I can see it now. You guys are painting the picture very clearly. Okay. It's like why is that being used in your vocabulary? Cuz there's ladies, there's women vocab. Yeah. You know there's the opposite sex. Why females? It's like one step above the b word. Mhm. Wow. Yes. Yes. Or the H word. Yeah. Wow. I'm just saying. I know. Hey, he said. Yeah. Hey, tell them. Tell them. Tell them. This is what I PF offic Christ. Right. Right. The church. Okay. This is what the Bible say. The Bible say by their fruits you shall know them. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And the way that you speak, Bible say, "Let your speech be seasoned with grace. Let your speech be gracious and be seasoned with salt. Right? The way a person talks is very revelatory of the kind of person they are. Right? The way a person carries themsel is revelatory of the way they are. We focus on sometimes not all the time. We focus sometimes on irrelevances and we miss the little cues about what the person thinks, right? You marry somebody who or you start walking around somebody who thinks he's a female and you have all these career and who calls you female and you have all these ambitions of you know marriage being an opportunity to be in partnership with somebody and you don't realize you're entering a relationship where you are automatically considered the lesser partner that's a problem right there you know and you could have picked it up from the language yeah exactly another red flag that I've
(14:52)Love-Bombing and Hidden Agendas
also um like noticed well I had actually experienced it other than the fu flavor other than the fufu flavor um was was a guy showering me with gifts or like take like wanting to take me to trips very early on of us dating. That was a red flag. Well, at first I didn't think it was a red flag. I was just like, "Oh, this is great." Like, "Yeah, somebody's giving me all this." But then as time goes on, his wasn't consistent with those gifts. It was like he was trying to hide the personality that I saw later on because he was with all these gifts with all this like oh I can take care of you that provider protect thing trying to do all that and I know on social media it's like oh take me I don't want to go on restaurants I want to go on to Dubai I want to go to Mexico take me on a trip for our first but it's just like let's be realistic that's kind of like a like love bombing in a way actually think about it like this right if I'm going to if I'm a regular person an honest person right doing an honest job and right off the bat, I don't know you, right? I'm spending all of this money on you. I am telling you how much I love you and I don't know you, right? I think that should be a red flag. I think that should say to you that there's something here, right? Either this person does not have the confidence, right, to come as they are. So, they hide behind this all of this stuff or they're actually hiding major character defects, right? But I I I I I feel like if I was a guy, a red flag for me would be a woman who had her gift hand out every time you had your wallet out. Yes. You know, at this, you know, it's like this, right? And I I know you are going to come for me, but I'm ready. Unfiltered. Women sometimes have a sense of entitlement. And I think it's a red flag. And I would advise all the young men when you meet a girl and immediately off the bat she has this expectation. You're going to do this for her. You're going to do that for her. You're going to do this for her. Am I your father? Right? I'm not your father. I'm not your husband. I'm just a guy who's trying to get to know you. Right? And already you are asking me to pay your cell phone bill, right? Or take you to expensive restaurants that you yourself cannot afford, right? That would be a red flag to me. Yeah. Yeah. I I I agree to that because there's sometimes there's I mean the the thing is that asking someone to take you somewhere that you can't afford that. I most definitely agree with that because it's like why are you going to a place that if let's say for some reason he can you can he's not paying the bill. Can you pay that bill or you would you would you be able to pay that bill? If if I if red flags and let me talk from a guy's perspective. If I went out on a date with a woman, right, and I left my wallet in the car or something and went to a place where she asked to go to and I know she makes good money and she refuses to pay, right? They bring the bill and she takes her face away. That will be the last date I go on with her. Yeah. Because that means that if I'm unable to provide, what happens? If something happens and I can't pay the bill, but did you ask her out on the date? I asked out on the date. So, but you refusing to pay for the I'm not refusing to pay. I forgot my wallet or something. Oh, you forgot your wallet. Yeah. And then she or she makes it a thing. Okay. Okay. Because some men have forgotten their wallet to test a woman. Yes. That's kind That's the kind of test. That's the kind of test that I honestly I don't believe in tests. I don't believe in tests. I don't believe in tests. I think it's wrong. But that's the kind of test that actually in this world on the first date in this world in this world in this world that we live in right okay yeah that's the kind of test that I would not condone test I'm against test in principle right but the idea of it because you we so so this is the thing right it's like the same thing I'd say to a woman right we have a lot of guys who are coming to this relationship arena not looking for relationships but encounters right they want somebody to just sleep Right. Yeah. But we also have a lot of women who are not looking for relationships. They're looking for somebody's wallet, right? And because the men for whatever reason seem or or the women are more vocal about this red flags, right, the concerns that a lot of guys have is not aired, right, as loudly as it should be. So we talk a lot about the men who are serial daters, who are, you know, proflegate and promiscuous, right? Yeah. But we don't get to talk about the girls who have their hand in your pockets before you even say, "Hi, my name is We've got problems on both sides of this aisle." Yeah. And it's important that we talk about both sides of the problem, right? But the men, for whatever reason, are not as vocal. And when they are vocal, they're not as articulate as they should be, right? But there a lot of jackass boys out there, man, who are doing stupid nonsense, right? And this is the what I believe. If you're a Christian, right, and you meet a guy, I think the first thing you need to do is and you're you're you're in that space where you're looking for a serious relationship. I think the first thing you need to do is pray before you you you you before you do the checkbox thing, right? You need to pray and say, "Lord, this person that has come into my life, that has shown interest in me, I don't know them, but there's nothing hidden from you. Open my eyes to see what I need to see. Open my ears to hear what I need to hear. And don't let me be carried away." Amen. By my own, you know, the Bible says that when we are tempted, God doesn't tempt us. We're tempted when we're drawn away by our own desires. Right. Right. Many times when we get into trouble, male and female, with relationships with um with people who turn out to be, you know, um wrong. We saw those things and we chose to ignore them. You know why? Cuz we saw other things that we really really wanted. And many times those other things that we really, really want are the superficials. So you meet a guy who is chasing after a woman cuz she's beautiful, right? Is she cute? Is she cute? Is she cute? But no character. And everybody around you is telling you that this girl has no character. This girl is a problem, but man, she's so fine, you don't care. And then it bites you in the behind. That was not God. That was you allowing your love of vanity, your flesh, right, take over your brain. Or a woman who meets a guy and he's buying her gifts. He's taking expensive trips. Meanwhile, you can see that this guy has the temper of um the sons of even the sons of Zebedee. Yeah. The sons of thunder pale, right? But hey, he's got gifts. And then one day he beats you black and blue. We've been on like great nuggets on romantic relationships. Okay. Are there any red flags that that you want to draw on on like family, friends, and family? You don't choose your family, but they still get red flag now. They your family now whether they get red flag or not get red flag. How do you navigate that? You navigate it with discernment and with wisdom from the Holy Spirit. I can't help you there. Is everything okay with family? Why? Explain. I know that sounded some but but listen, right? You're already in the family, right? You're not choosing them. You don't have a choice in who is your family member, but you have a choice in who you share a bed with, right? That is where your choice can be exercised. So whether they have a red flag in family or they don't have a red flag in family, they're your family. Okay, hypothetically speaking, is there any red flags that you see in like family? Obviously, you can't you can't leave you can't but are there any that you can say okay people have bad behavior but they're your family members. So you're stuck with them friends. Choose your friends. Choose your friends. You choose your friends. When you meet a friend who you meet somebody who is very comfortable taking from you and never giving you. Yeah. They take take take. And every time every time every time you you you give, right, there's a sense of um they're not quite grateful of being unimpressed. Oh, thank you. Oh, wow. It's so nice and they never give. Doesn't matter how little they have. Doesn't matter how little they have. I know somebody who was very poor. And because she was very poor, she felt very entitled to take and never give, right? And in my mind, right, initially I thought, okay, well, you know, she doesn't have any money. It makes a lot of sense, right? But I realized that that poverty was not a crutch, right, for being selfish and self-centered and self-absorbed. Cuz when she started making money, guess what? She still didn't give. Makes sense. You still didn't give. I've never met anybody who didn't give when they were poor, who gave when they had money. If you can't give money, you can give time. If you can't give time, you can give talent. If you can't give talent, you can you can cook a meal for somebody and say, "You know what? You've been so kind to me. Here's a bowl of beans. They eat that kind of thing. I mean, you can make you can low-key make ramen. You know, a little ramen. It don't mean there's so many ways. So, that's number one with friends. Watch out for people who take and never give. Mhm. Right. Watch out for people who find it hard to celebrate other people. I was going to I was going to hope you're watching that. Yeah. Yeah. People who find it hard to celebrate other people because And it's not it's not hard to to see it, right? When you have good news to share with somebody and they talk over you or they barely let you tell the good news and they move on to something else, be careful. They don't want your good news to marinate. H be careful, right? Because that tells you that that person is going to spend more time envious of you, right, than celebrating you. Watch out for people who never criticize you. Those are bad friends. who can tell you that your poop smells or you have fu bread or you have fu flavor. So I I guess yeah and friendship at flag. This is a tough one because I mean my friends are like pretty awesome. Um so I don't have experience. Yeah. Yeah. Great friends. How many friends you have? Like two. There you go. No, seriously. I think I think I think a red flag is the quantity of friends that you have. I'm sorry. having a lot of friends. If you have too many friends, I think it's a red flag. Wow. Personally. Wow. Yeah. Because you So, so you're using your going to use your own inability or your lack of capacity to have meaningful relationships to judge other people. Meaningful is the word you use. You didn't say quant equality. Yeah. I can have a thousand meaningful relationship. Okay, let me rephrase that. A red flag is if you have a lot of friends in quantity but lacking in quality. How do you judge quality? That's you're the pastor now. No, no, no, No man pass the hot potato. Nah man you I'm a facilitator. I'm just I'm facilitating. You're the pastor. I disagree with you. I think let everybody minister according to the grace that they have given. Some people have the capacity to have a lot of friends and have meaningful relationships all of them. Some people don't. Right. I have a lot of people around me. They are all my friends but they are varying degrees. So they're varying arenas of interaction, right? So me and you we talk philosophy, right? And we talk about, you know, things that some people might consider esoteric and, you know, ephemeral production of racist all the time. I don't have those convers. They're more, you know, grounded, a little bit. What was that? What was that? I shouldn't be. What was that? That pipe. The only pipe I eat is the pipe of Jesus. Jesus ain't got no pipe. No, but like metaphor that concerns me symbolically speaking that you associate Jesus with your extracurriculars. But anyway, anyway, right, friendships exist on different levels, right? Red flag is one person who expects everything they need from another one person. Yeah. I think I think a red flag I guess now you you gave me some clarity. If I'm psychologically depending on somebody else I think that's a red flag. What do you mean? Like so like for my happiness if I say oh the reason why how can PF that is supposed to be my friend not have told me about something that was important to him. what kind of friend is he not give taking in context obviously situation in which and I go and start badmounting PF like imagine you guys we care about PF that kind of thing I think that's a red flag cuz I've seen that before yeah also another red flag since we're talking about red flags people who cannot keep secrets oh if they're telling you everybody's secrets they're telling your secret to everybody what if they tell you they give you the preface and say I can't keep a secret don't tell me I love that And I will not tell you. No, I respect that. Okay. That's somebody who's self-aware, but that does not give them an excuse to be a gossip. Gossip. Yes. Who's basically warned you say, "Hey, if you tell me, just know I told everybody else." Yeah. That's crazy. That's crazy. Okay. So, speaking about, you know, earlier on you said something I thought was very, very important. You said the Bible says, "Let your speech be seasoned with salt." Yeah. Right. And I just thought about something. Mir's is your rice seasoned for my serious but is your is your agusi season. If it's not man you got to be doing something right bro. Yeah get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get you you one. I love my What's our code again? Sorry and and and if you're thinking about being a sponsor, what are you doing? What are you waiting for? What are you waiting for? Are you really running a business? I'm not sure. Is that really a business? Let me give you Let me give an example of how we can even celebrate you. This next segment is brought to you by Barrow Avenue Bakery. It's called I'm sorry. You have you have to say with the with the class. Oh, like Barrow. Sorry, I got you. I got you. This next segment is brought to you by Barrow Avenue. This next segment, okay, this next segment is brought to you by by Barrow Avenue Bakery. Bakery. conveyor of luxury. Ooh, pastries. Past cakes. Ooh. And breads. Ooh. I'm just saying. Are they hot? Are they hot? Because the next segment is hot takes. Man, the bread is so hot. What are you doing? What are you doing? All right. If if you're not eating bar of any bread, are you really eating bread? Yeah. And the bread you're eating, is it bread of life or just bum or fu? That's why you have fufu flavor. So you're not eating bar cake and cookies and bread. Guaranteed to get fufu flavor. Okay. Okay. So wait. Yeah. Hot take time. Yeah. I'll take 10 times. Oh, okay. All right. And we've had a lot of hot takes. So So I don't know. Do you have one that you want to Yes, I do have one. Here you go. Your mind. Is it okay to date a serial dater? And the reason why I ask that is that this serial dater context is someone that dates some um like maybe five different people and they're all emotionally attached. Is that okay? Is that is that I I I think I think if a person is upfront and says, "Hey, I am still seeing other people." Right. I I personally I think sometimes people put their eggs in one basket too quickly, right? And once they put their eggs in a basket then they they emotionally latch onto somebody who has not latched on to them, right? So I would say to you if you are latching on to somebody exclusively, you need to be sure the person is latching on to you. Right? But if the person is saying, "Hey, hey, hey, I'm seeing other people." Then it's on you. Yeah. Right. So that question is not so cut and dried. Right. Um cuz I've I've had women I've spoken to say, "Oh, it's just this guy." And I'm like, "That guy, but he's seen other people." Yeah. So why are you what are you doing? Say, "I can't date more than one guy at a time." Okay, that's fine. You can't date more than one guy at a time, but the guy can date 25 women at a time. That's on you. What are you doing with him? I mean, you already told us that it's a red flag if if some men call women females, so I'm not even going to go there. Um, but is it a red flag if someone is saying that they're just busy? They don't have Yeah, I'm just busy. Honestly, so I have a friend who recently had a similar situation, right? there's this guy who's talking to her who's um who's busy, right? And she kept saying, "Well, he you can't be too busy to send a text. You can't be too busy to send uh uh you know, a hey, an emoji or something." And I and and later I turned out that the guy was all sorts of wrong, right? But I was defending him on the angle of he's busy. He's actually at a busy phase in his life. Right. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let me tell you something, right? I get so busy sometimes, right? I don't remember to eat. Today, for example, I have not eaten, right? Like, I literally have not eaten. I've had I had one meat pie. And it's not because I wasn't hungry or didn't feel hungry. It's because there was just other things I just kept demanding my time and attention. And I want to eat and oh, I'll eat in a few minutes. I'll eat in a few minutes. and next thing you know it's a few hours right so it's possible to say I'm going to send a text I'm going to call and then something keeps happening and you don't call and you don't text right it's possible but if somebody doesn't call you doesn't text you doesn't write you doesn't do anything I would be a little bit more cautious with that person I would want to be sure that they are really busy not that that they are uninterested because it can also be a sign of uninterest of disinterest so is it a red flag I'd call it a a a yellow flag. Yeah. Okay. I want to just explain a little bit on that. So, is this in the case that they're dating, right? Not boyfriend and girlfriend. Cuz I feel like in boyfriend and girlfriend, there's a different term. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Because now you're confusing me. Dating. What's boyfriend and girlfriend? What's dating? All right. I mean, I'm married, so I don't know. So, because there's a difference between dating and boyfriend and girlfriend. Cuz you said this. Just cuz you said cuz you a red flag. You said um interest like that means that lack of interest. But at this point like we're you know in a relationship. Can you clarify the stages for me because it seems as if and I struggle with this there's dating there's boyfriend and girlfriend. Which other stage is there? There's there's talking. There's marriage. There's Right. So talking is from dating. I think so. Right. Please don't I don't involve that. No. Let's see. Sorry, my bad. I've been out the game for a long time. So, you know, I've been out the game since dating is thing where you're I guess, you know, you're trying to find out who do you want to be exclusive or who you want to be in a relationship. Be like, "This is my girl that I am working on to get married to." So, now I'm talking about this is my girl that I'm working on to get married to situation. Okay? And he's saying, "Oh, I'm busy. I'm busy." that I have a problem with that because the president of the United States texted Michelle Obama when he was busy listen and I just feel like nobody's ever that busy that's why he was the president of United States number one he had ambition United States when he became the president of the United States what you may not realize as busy as he is only certain decisions come to him he's not running the government he's managing people who's running the government that he's he's leading the people who run the government so he's really is not as busy as some of the people that work for him he he can have time to text. He doesn't answer to anybody. The people that answer to him are the ones who are busy, right? That they are busy, right? And this is the thing. Let let me give you an example. When a woman says, "I want a man who's ambitious. I want a man who's driven." With drive and ambition come a level of focus that can be very excluding of anything else in that moment. If you're building a business, you're you're at a stage in your career where things are just delicate, touch and go, you've got a project, you've got deadlines. Man, listen, you will understand though. If you equate that constant attention, right, to affection. I equate the need for that constant attention as insecurity and instability. I don't need constant attention. I just need an update. Like, hey babe, I'm about to I don't have time to update you. M I don't have time. I can't I'm I'm I'm I'm operating on people. People are I'm cutting open kidneys and you're telling me should send you text. They can send haters. Yeah. I mean but I I I like I doubt like the guys that is talking about open heart. I'm just saying like I doubt they're president of I doubt they president of United States. What I'm trying they're not even president of their that example that local government their no president of their estate should be able to text again and all the ladies listening out out here something can be good it can be a sign of this person is really busy and it can be a sign of this person is uninterested. So I would not label that one a red flag. I'll label it as a I need to check what's going on. I would label it as a yellow flag. So, we've had all the colored flags, which is great. Um, but we gota we got to bring it. Yeah, we got to get practical, right? Because Oh, I thought we got to rap. No, no, no. We got to rap. Mhm. Sorry. But we got to get practical as well. So like when I was asking earlier I was that is why does that my mind you have two children careful what you just have to think anyway. So how do you handle red flags? How do I handle red flags? How do you handle red flags? Run. Run. Okay. That's one way. Practical. That's practical. You can run. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. If you see a red flag, I would suggest that you pause right and investigate and make sure that what you are seeing is not, you know, an illusion. It's a real thing and what else comes with it, right? Like I always say, sometimes what you're seeing is exactly what you wanted. So using this attention issue, I want a man with ambition. I want a man that is driven. that lack of attention is not a red flag. It's it's not a bug. It's a symptom and it's a feature. Men who are driven like that are very um absorbed sometimes. So I would suggest that you check it out. That is how I would encourage you if you see a red flag. Now there's some red flags you run. Yeah. Like like like what female and um Oh, if if a guy goes Yeah. will you run a female and um provide and protect. Run. Okay. Yeah. Run. Submission too. If he be saying I need somebody to submit. Well, that's what the Bible says. No, but there some they be misusing like Mr. Mr. Music. So So when a woman says I need somebody to provide, I need a provider. I want a man with a job. Does he have a job? How you going to say like that job? You ain't got no job. What you do? You got a job. So is there is there a context to where like that individual that cites that red flag but it's not the situation where they they should run away. Can they come to like the church or someone say okay like am I this guy or am I this? Yeah. Get counselor. Absolutely. Thank you for for that. Thank you. I'm just trying to you know trying to show you that it's not us. Yeah. Not all I mean I'm always high on the Lord. I think that's what you guys are seeing. I'm fullness of joy. Right. He's always high. Lord, I don't know what you talking about. No, no, no. You're right. Seek counsel. Yeah. And that's what I mean by investigate. Right. Investigate. Make sure that what you're seeing is not as bad as it potentially looks. Right. Um um pay attention. Pay more close attention. Right? Because again, some things that we call red flags are just features that go with the particular car that we want to buy, you know. Um, so I wouldn't say off the bat run, right? I would say be careful and do some more research. Right. Because when you and were talking like I remember when I met my wife, I met her December 2016. Mhm. Uh, and I was, you know, spoiling now. Arguably speaking, it was a little bit too much. And I married her in less than 6 months. I proposed to my wife on the first first conversation and some people tell me a this is too like this is weird like you I'm like no I just I don't know but you know when you know you know right some people don't know right cuz that would now be a red flag that I heard somebody say that a man knows in 8 seconds I I knew I knew in 4 seconds I saw I just knew see a man knows when he knows so you know how long it took me long it took me but you were busy you were you know you were walk you were preaching I mean, I was not doing anything. Yep. Yep. Okay. All right. So, um, let's do a rapid fire round. Right. This round. Mhm. We're going to I'm going to say a question. I'm going to say a statement. You're going to tell me if it's petty or if it's legit. Huh? And it has to be quick. Yeah. How's it? Mhm. Yeah. How's it feel? Quick. All right. Doesn't tip at restaurants. Petty. Yeah. Petty. Never replies to text until the next day. The next petty petty. Next day. Always borrows money but doesn't pay back. What type of Wait, pause. Wait. Petty means like it's a bad red flag. And legit means it's a good red. Oh, go back. I just realized. You're the one. You led me astray and I'm the one that No, because I think Wait. All right. Let's do it again. I don't like that. Wait. I think you've been you've been breathing on the same. I think there's something going on that chair. Okay, I'm start again real quickly. Doesn't tip at restaurant. Legit. Legit. Never replies to text up to the next day. Legit. Doesn't sponsor PF on Fut. Legit. What? What are you doing? Legit. Are you a real man if you don't sponsor P? Are you a real real man? still in a group chat with their ex's family. I knew it. Have cash people. It depends. It depends. There's no there's no I would say that's legit because why are you in your ex's family group chat? What are you still talking to them about? You see, that's the thing though. You guys, the relationships are not always But like in the group chat, like you're still talking the cousins and what if what if we're all friends, one big family. Okay. Like let's say if y'all all group like childhood friends or something and you guys it just Okay. Maybe it's not it's not always but that's like a very rare rare occurrence. It's not that rare. Okay. All right. Well, we're going to wrap up. Please drop in the comments your biggest red flag. Right. PF if they are liking, if they're enjoying, if they they want to send this episode to one of their friends, right? Or like, share, subscribe. Yeah. And follow me on fi.maya. If you think this is unfiltered, you should see my website, my Instagram page. It's unfiltered. No, it's not. It's very filtered. I've got a responsible person, man. This is the second time you plug this responsible person. So, send me your details cuz I need to You need some help. I need my IG to blow. My IG is going to blow. But no, for real, like, drop your red flags in the comments below. We want to We want to see them. So, most definitely talk with us and we might read them. I I do want to see them want to see we want to we want to see we want to see we want to see the comments. We might mention some. Yeah, we might we might you never know. Yeah. All right. Well, appreciate y'all. But the the wildest one is the fufu flavor. Yeah, that that's definitely a rap. I think the title of this of this episode. Oh man. All right, y'all. Later. [Music] Unfiltered. [Music]