(0:00)Adult Disclaimer
This episode should not be on if you have children in the background, it is not for them. This is for, you know, sensible adults. Without filters. Hello everyone and welcome to PF without filters. My name is Esther Griffin, and I have three amazing hosts. Abby, two are expecting. This is something I always... always get myself into trouble for. Anyway, guys, welcome. Today I have two of the best presenters on earth with me. I have a Tunda. Good. And I have... I don't even know your last name. Oh no. This is God. Oh, Rose English. Oh, sorry. Are you guys okay? Is everything okay? I don't know. Obviously, something is wrong. Of course, we have PFN without filters. We have Pastor Femi. Can we, Pastor Fay? You guys know this is our last episode. This is how you guys want to start. We have Pastor Femi. Don't worry. Sorry, guys. My name is F. I don't know these people. Yes. Do n't you know us? No. I am not. Yes. No. Where will you find them? Anyway, guys, we're so happy to be here today. Hmm, clearly too happy. She wasn't here for a minute. I know that. I missed the events, but that's okay, guys. I'm back. Hmm, so in this episode we're going to go over some of the questions that we've
(1:29)Comment Questions Begin
gotten from previous episodes, and we're going to discuss some of those questions that we've gotten in the comments, because some of you will be writing in those comments. Tun, am I right? Hmm, I don't know what she's talking about. You guys were incredible. The whole journey this season has been special for us , hasn't it, PF? You know, we have 19, how many? 19.8 thousand subscribers. Yes. So if you listen to this and feel like it blessed me, or these guys are just awesome, or PF is just so vulnerable, I'm not going to pass up earlier in my life. I want you to wait. Wait. Good. I want you to just stop, whatever you're doing. Good. Stop. Like. Oh, no. If you're driving, don't stop. Hey, but whatever you do, like, subscribe, and share. God bless you. Good. Yes. But, um, we're going to address some issues. Um, we'll ask Tan to start, because these questions are very interesting. Um, yeah, you guys are interesting in the comments. So, Rosin is going to start, but I have a question. Yes. Come on. PF, um, I think in one of your sermons you mentioned how to understand when you're looking for a big breakthrough, you just have to keep being steadfast. I can't... It's been a minute. I...I don't...I don't say things like that, but there was something about faith and consistency. Yes. Yes. Faith. Good. Yes. So, those of you with faith and patience, I want to share something that I haven't shared with the group yet, okay, and it's really vulnerable for me. No, I'm an Arsenal fan, hey, and I've been steadfast, thank you very much and consistently, and after 22 years the fruits have come, almost like Abraham, almost like Abraham, oh, almost like Abraham, maybe we shouldn't call you guys, don't call you the Abrahams of FC, so I thought I had something important to say to you. Yes. I thought, what was he like, I was ready to say, "Okay, football." No, because I was steadfast in my faith. Yes. Like Abraham, who Abraham was, and I saw that you did not waver. He didn't flinch. I didn't flinch either. No, I didn't waver. My dear, I was shaken, but we thank God . I just wanted to say, you know, praise God. Thank you for this sermon . Yes. Good. Did you hear that? I You can start. Please ask questions. You can start. Let's ask. Let's ask. Are you ready? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. OK. So, oh my God. Oh, well,
(3:48)Unequally Yoked
so where do we start? Do we start with relationships? My favorite topic, guys . Okay, you're right. I look great. I understand. Wait, are you, uh, are you, uh , in a relationship, if you're talking about a relationship? Boy, don't ruin my mood right now. My mistake. Oh my God. Sorry. Ask a question. My mistake. Sorry. Good. So that's the first question: What do I do when I meet someone who meets all the requirements: fruit of the spirit, intentional emotional awareness, but is a Muslim, willing to go to church, but the Bible says: do not be equally enthusiastic. So, your problem is your demands. The first requirement had to be someone who shared my faith. So if this first requirement is not checked, everything else shouldn't matter because you understand. If you understand that marriage is about building a life with someone, two people becoming one, and your faith is a priority for you , right? Your relationship with God is a priority, your number one priority, right? Then I don't understand how you can say they tick the boxes if they don't share your faith. So keep moving forward, you know, because kindness can be seen as kindness. It does n't matter. Do they share your faith? And the reason why they share your faith, or the values of your faith. Do they share your faith? No. No derivatives, right? No neighborhood with Jesus or
(5:28)Marriage Is a Boxing Ring
friendship with Jesus, because marriage is like a boxing ring sometimes, is n't it? And we must follow the same rules. Yes. If we don't have the same faith, you literally find yourself in a boxing match with someone who doesn't have the same faith, meaning they don't follow the same rules, right? This is not very good. Now I would like to ask you, anyone in the audience, can you define what you really mean when you say “one and the same faith”? This means that a person believes that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior, right? That she is saved by grace through faith. Mhm. Right. And that abiding in Christ, yes, is the path to fruitfulness. It is the basis of answered prayer. Yes. And he is the way, the truth, and the life for God. No. Makes sense. Because I've had situations where people said, "Well, but he was married to a Christian, right?" Hmm. So, and someone actually said something like, "Well, just because he's a Christian by title doesn't mean he's a Christian by faith. I wanted to pray." Yes. Yes. Yes. So, so, so two, um, two people who believe the same thing, right? So someone will say, "Well, look at these guys. They're Muslims, and they're happy." Yes. They have the same faith. They have the same rules. We come , you know, into the ring, understanding that these are the rules, right? And we all follow them, do n't we? Someone else comes along believing that these are the rules. Someone comes believing that these are the rules, right? Conflict. Conflict is inevitable. The Bible says, " Can two walk together?" That makes sense. If they disagree, if we disagree on the fundamental, which is our relationship with God, and how it works, right? You have a big problem. But then you could argue, and not that it's not true, but you could argue that there's also a verse in the Bible that says if you're already married and still steadfast in your faith, then you can influence them. You can influence them too, right? If you are already married, let me...No, no. Let me give you an example of what's happening. If you 're dating a guy, yes, and before you married this guy , he had two or three girlfriends, right? He is fooling around. And you know about it, right? Then you get married and find out he was still carrying on, right? And you say, "No, no, we're married." I say, "But you knew." Hmm. Who was I, and you still married me. By marrying me, you confirmed who I was. So I'm not changing anything. What are you going to do? That's why Paul didn't say, "Go and marry an unbeliever." It says that if you're married to someone, you've changed, not them . You're the one on something new, not them. Right? So, if you leave, it's your fault. So he says: " Stay." Maybe your new faith and the behavior it produces will show them a powerful Christ, right? And that's what people think, isn't it? I am not
(8:33)Love vs Religiosity
convincing you of my faith in Christ with my religiosity. I convince you of my faith in Christ with my love. Right? If you love someone as Christ loved you, then it is this love that has convinced you, yes, it convinces a person. Yes. That's good. Right. Yes. Perfectly. Okay, that was easy. That was good. Yes. So, the following: “ So, I am ready for marriage with the right person. How can I
(9:04)Standards or Walls?
avoid a settled marriage without being overly cautious or afraid? I don't understand this. Sorry, I asked this in English. So, okay. Oh, really? That's right. That's it. I don't know. I don't understand what you're all talking about. Is this Swahili? I think maybe this person is trying to say something like: okay, I feel like I found the right person, and it's probably that they don't want to self-sabotage or let their fears get in the way . Let me read it again. Okay, it says: " I am ready for marriage with the right person." How can I avoid mastery without being overly cautious or cowardly? So, okay. So, a person is ready for marriage, but is worried about getting used to it. This is interesting. Good. Then there's the addition that says, "What's the difference between, um, a standard and a wall?" Good. A standard is a standard, it is a value . Good. This is a virtue. Wall—is that, um, what word am I looking for? Faith is an obstacle. Good. And it often comes from fear. Right. Yes. A standard is what you believe in. Mhm. The wall is a sign of what you are afraid of. Right. And this is what often
(10:40)Dating From Fear
happens now. People approach this relationship issue with fear. So what we call standards are often not really standards, they're fears, and sometimes they're expressions of our insecurities, so someone who's worried about being poor and who defines themselves by their material status will say, "I can't marry someone who makes a low income," but their insecurities are built into that statement, their identity is about comfort , and that's not always about comfort for some people. But sometimes it's not about comfort. Sometimes it's in the way I look with that person, right? So, standards and walls–it's complicated, is n't it? Because often people build walls and close them as standard, right? But if you're really honest with yourself, and I'm starting to understand that people are, it's not that they're dishonest. The point is that they don't dig beyond the superficiality of their hearts. The Bible says that the heart of man is deceitful, and you are the first victim of your own deception. We are deceiving ourselves. We do n't tell ourselves the truth . So we say something like, "Oh, I have standards." But in reality, it's not about standards. It's about your fears. Yes. Right. Or, "Oh, I have standards." And it's not really about standards. It's just , you know, some arbitrary set of rules that you heard from someone. I wanted to ask even from your experience, like if you've been through something with someone and then you move on to the next one, you use that same experience to... I mean, there's a certain wisdom to that, but I also think there might be... Yeah, I... I feel like when you're choosing the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, I feel like that's one of those things that's gone out of style... Mm... strangely enough,
(12:32)Love vs Checklists
because we live in a very romantic society. Yes. Right. But this idea of being in love, yes , with someone, has become very old-fashioned, you know, and outdated, hasn't it? Quint, what is this? It has become very fashionable, being in love is no longer fashionable. Good. Yes. Now it is in a sense, but it's not because people start telling you things like " he checks all the boxes." Mhm. I didn't fall in love, did I ? If you fall in love, you don't look at the points. Mhm. This can be problematic. Yes. But it's not about the points. When it comes to points, it's not love–it's calculation. Yes. And if you're doing math, may God help you, because you know, math is very difficult. If you get the data wrong, your result will be wrong, and often that's where there are hidden things you can't see . Yes. Oh PF that's really good and oh this let me tell you why it's good because I think generally generationally because of all the emotionality that we feel like a lot of women have had in the past. We took it with us now, in 2026. And so we think we're being logical when we say, "Oh, let's mark all the points. Let's go through all the records." But in the end, it still hurts us. Do you know why? Do you know why? Because you don't hire a spouse, right? You are marrying a person.
(14:06)You're Not Hiring a Spouse
Employment has conditions. Yes. You provide the same services, and I provide X reward. Mhm. Right. If you don't provide X services, yes, I'll fire you, yes, and hire someone else, yes? To feel like I don't need to know you. I just need to see your resume and see that you have proven that you can provide X services, meaning you have a certificate that proves you are educated in those services. You studied to say that you know, that you took exams on these services, and you showed that you know these services, that you have some experience in these services. Right? I don't care about your personality. Mhm. I don't care how you feel about my mother. Right. My only concern is whether you can provide for me? And then I will provide for you. And then you'll find out I'm Jack number one. When your mother comes to my house, I talk to her like she's nothing. This mother, who, you know, you turn over so often. Well, but I'm a nanny. I'm a nanny, but I'm a scumbag. Yes. Or scum. Yes. I thought it was Jack. Wait. Honestly, that's all I...This guy just came for me . I just came for... It's okay. Don't worry. Today. First round. Tina, do you want to continue with your questions? What do you have ? Yes, there is. Right. So, here's what we come across many times, right, before I get rudely interrupted by this guy like Abraham Rusty, sorry. It's that you can't approach it like you're hiring staff. Hmm. Because if you do that, right, you'll have problems. Yes. You must look at the invisible, the unknown. And this is where you rely on God and the Holy Spirit, right? To show you what you can't see. Right? This is where your faith comes in . You know what? I don't know everything about this guy, but I trust my life in God's hands. Are you listening? T and I are exempt from the market. We are the ones who are left. Are you listening? These guys...I'm listening. I am listening. You are so angry today . I just remember that if he has something to say, look at their fruits of the spirit. So look at their fruits. Yes. And then my mentor always tells me that they are so good, as if they really look at it. Yes. And the kindness I began to see can come from different places. Right. There is a kindness that comes from uncertainty. Right. I am a people pleaser. Right. That's why I'm always good, right? I am good not because I am good. I am kind because of what I receive from kindness to you. Yes. If I don't think I'll get it, I won't be good. So, where does kindness come from? Hmm. Right. Yes. Are you doing it just because, or are you doing it to make something happen, and this is how you can determine that? Check the kindness. Yes. When you observe people, though, don't always look at how they treat you. Look at how they treat people they don't want anything from, or who want something but have nothing to give them. Right? And the classic is when you go out to dinner with someone, see how they treat the valet, right? Look at how they treat the person who serves you food, right? When they talk about work, look at how they talk about their, um, junior colleagues, right? And look at how they talk about their leadership. Look at how they talk about their colleagues, right? If someone is angry, you know, look at how they talk about celebrities, right? Some people are mean, very kind, but when they open their mouths and talk about people, you know that kindness is on their lips. It does not reach their hearts. And when a favorable situation arises, you will be its recipient. Sorry. Why did you laugh at that? Because I felt that people were good for different reasons. No, that's a wise word, but okay. That people lie for different reasons. Not every lie is bad. Not every lie is bad. When someone lies, ask them why they know why they are lying. Not every lie is a deception. Sorry. Every lie is designed to deceive. Every lie. No. Come on. Come on. The Bible says that the devil is a liar. Every lie is bad. Right. But that doesn't mean that a person who lies is bad. It is bad. Sometimes you need to ask why a person lies. Right. That's right. Amen. Amen. Mhm. And who takes the donation? Good. Please, seriously? Seriously. Good. Um, who's taking the donation? Seriously. So, we did the first block, which was about relationships. So thank you. I was looking for a great job. Thank you. Um, I have more questions, but you know, go ahead. We will do the second block. We will go back. Let's go back
(18:52)The Singleness Block
. We will look at the second block, which deals with loneliness. MPF, I want to urge you to please be as unfiltered as you have always been. Be gentle. No, no, no, no. Just as unfiltered as you always were. No problem. Disclaimer, we gave PF. I don't think they... This program is not for children. Yes, it is not for children . No, this one is for that. No, but, um, in general, we need to make this caveat. This episode should not be on if you have children in the background, it is not for them. And this is for, you know, adults with common sense. M, because some adults are like that anyway. Eh, so why does the church focus more on
(19:38)Single Women vs Single Men
single women and not single men? This is not true. This is very untrue. This is not true. As a pastor, as a pastor of one of the fastest growing churches, as a pastor of a church full of young people, we create opportunities for everyone. We found that women are more, um, more likely, more likely, yes, to interact. Yes, if someone says, "We don't understand guys, okay," that's okay . But to say that we focus on women, yeah, that's not true, that's not true, we don't understand. We may not have been able to reach the boys, but it wasn't for lack of desire or effort. I understand you, but someone here doesn't understand ...Yes, I have something to say. With respect, it seems to me that this church is an exception. Let's. Tell me more. Yes. Yes. I think that , because I mean a lot of, um, girls on the internet, they say that when they go to church, they feel like the advice is always directed at women and not at men in general. If you talk to guys, guys will generally tell you that when they go to church, they feel like all their behavior is directed at guys, right? I'm telling you what I heard, right? The guys feel at home in this church or in the church in general. In the church in general, everyone hears how he treats them. Hmm. So you go to church and someone says they always talk about being rude, rude, rude. That's rude most of the time, isn't it? And you start to think that's all they're talking about, because every time you go there you hear something that touches you, right? I think we might not be very good at this, right? Hitting on guys, but it's not intentional. I don't care about boys. I only care about women. M, so the criticism that we don't know how to do it is fair, but the lack of focus or desire, that's not it, that's not true, well, it's not intentional focus, it's just a way...
(22:06)Why Church Feels Effeminate
No, it's not, first of all , the church is very... and I've said this before, the church is somewhat feminine, in the sense that even the language that we use is not the language of men ... worship is a very emotional experience, is n't it? And the way we worship in churches isn't very masculine, is it? Men don't cry and, you know, uh, uh , talk about how much I adore you. I... I just... you know, you're great. You...you are beautiful. You are luxurious. These are not...these are not ...these are the words we use, and we look around to make sure no one can hear us. To be honest, I'd rather be a flower on the wall when guys do ... We don't... we don't talk like that. How do you guys talk? We...we talk... we don't...we don't use flowers . That's good. We don't use ...Yes. We don't use flowery language. The church is very colorful. Even the walls, the paint. We use pastel colors. We use a lot of, you know, you go to church, and you see navy blue, solid gray, and black... black. Do you have black in the back? And this is for lighting. Everywhere else is blue. And it's some kind of strange shade of blue. P. This is the fastest church in Dallas. It has a beautiful interior. Yes, whatever . But she's not very, not very masculine. Yes. I had a question about this . He is not here. Sorry for the one who sings, just sing, just you know, you go to church, you sing, you know, you know, no, because there are a lot of worship leaders who are actually men, and then, and and no, right. Is he what you mean, P.F.? Nothing. As filtered as you... Okay. Sorry. Uh... A lot of these guys, I'll say a lot of these guys, not all of them. Not everyone. Some of these guys are very courageous, are n't they? Like some guys who worship, they lead worship services at our church, and they worship. Some of them are really like... Um, so, PF, would you say that the demographic of your church that you pastor is made up of more women than men? Yes. Good. This is a church. Good. Um, next question. Are we, please, uncomfortable ...Er, I'm really sorry, I'm a single man in his 40s who has lost interest ...I'm not laughing at you. The question is perhaps something... uh, who has lost
(24:34)The 40-Year-Old Single Man
interest in marriage after a few failed attempts. Right? I am successful and I have everything I need. How do I rekindle interest in this? If that's what I think, right? If you're 40, yes, and you're not married, I... honestly...I don't want to talk like that. If you haven't heard that the problem is you, I... I don't want to say that. I want to... I want to say this a little more delicately. Oh, you don't want to put that on...But it's true. No, it's not that simple, just as it's not that simple. It's not as simple as... It's not as simple as you deciding to be a problem. Mhm. Right. Men usually choose their own wives. Mhm. Right. Men usually choose, they are the ones who choose. Yes. So if you're not married, it means you haven't found anyone to choose from. But there are so many women. That's it. Beautiful women. So you are the problem. Unless it's...by the way, before you arrange this logic. I mean, that makes sense. You are the one who is looking for a million cars in the parking lot of different brands, and you can't find the car. You can't find a car in this world. Hmm. Er, you have a problem now. But those looking, we actually have some in the studio today. Okay, okay. Nice cars. No, and I think they're all married. No, no, no, even though they are married. That was the last episode, the guy with the earring. But she said she said a lot, like ... Oh, there were a lot of them, like more than one ... Yeah. Yes. One. Yes. Yes. Sorry. No, but you know why this point makes sense to me before we...I know we... we'll move on to the next one...Okay. Actually, I'm the one who will pass next quarter. Yes. Because we're done with this question about the 40- year-old guy? No, no, finish. So when I say you're a problem, I don't mean it in a negative way, right? I mean, what you're looking for may not be what you should be looking for. Mmm. Right. I would say if you have $50,000 in your pocket, yes, and every time you go to buy a car, you go to the Lamborghini dealership first, and then to the Rolls-Royce dealership. And that means you have a lot of money. This means you have big eyes. M, you only have $50,000 in your pocket. Okay, I'm catching. Right. Yes. And I'm not saying that's all there is. Mhm. Yes. But men choose. If you haven't found someone to choose from, there's a problem. Mhm. There is a problem. That makes sense to me, guys. And do you know why? And I'm going to yell at my wife. Like, give her a big thank you. So I told her one day, "I'm hungry." I said, “Honey, what’s in the fridge?” What's in the fridge? She replies: Mhm. She says, "Okay , how about this?" Mhm. I said, "I'm in the mood to eat something else." Then she says, "Okay, there 's something in the freezer." She took it out and warmed it up. I'm like, she said, "You're not hungry." He said, "So that kind of makes sense." That's the thing, because if you tell me you're looking for a beautiful woman, there will be plenty of them. If you're looking for a good woman, I know plenty of them. If you say you're looking for a capable person, if you say you're looking for someone who dresses a certain way and puts it all together, then that's more than enough. Now,
(27:50)Perfection Doesn’t Exist
if you're looking for perfection, I don't know. This is not enough. They don't exist. Only Christ. They don't exist. You can marry Jesus. And a person can marry Jesus. And a person who seeks perfection must think that he is perfect. Probably. Probably. And this is a problematic person to be with. Mmm. So if you appreciate...
(28:15)Sex and Purity
Oh...Oh, you've already given this man... Why are you so excited, Eso? I know, right? Do you know, are you turned on by cleanliness or sex? Do you want to take this segment? It's sex... Look at this. I think you should break this into several parts. I'm sure she's going to investigate . Um, so how do we maintain purity before marriage in today's dating world? This is difficult. This is really difficult. And I think that's , um, I don't envy this generation because for the boys, let me speak for the boys. I understand how a man's mechanics work, don't I ? We are visual. What
(29:02)What Ignites Desire
we see is ignition, right ? You are constantly bombarded. Mmm. Right. Images that constantly start the engines. And you're supposed to not interact, right ? But keep looking at it. This is extremely problematic, isn't it? I would urge everyone dealing with this issue to be careful what you look at. And when I say "watch," I'm not just talking about the visual. I'm talking about what you fill your mind with. Right? And I hate to sound like, uh, a pastor of gloom and doom, but what you watch matters, right? Yes. Social media, some of the things I see on social media, softcore porn. Hmm. I'm like, how is this normal? Yes. Yes. Of course. On a TV show, a TV show. Hmm. Language. Yes. M. Oh, let's not even talk about music. Music is like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa which carry pathogens, which carry and spread viruses ? No, no, not mosquitoes. They are called something like vectors. Tyfford Mary, right? It is the carrier of many of the germs that we pick up, right? Because you listen to a song and it awakens something in you , and you think, why am I feeling this way? What were you listening to 5 minutes ago? Mhm. Both you and I don't find a connection. Mhm. Right. What you listened to started the engine . Right. So, if you want to be clean, and I'm not sitting here saying it's easy,
(31:06)Purity Takes Radical Choices
you have to watch what you listen to. Watch what you watch. Be careful about what you read and what you surround yourself with. It's a constant bombardment of sex. This is constant. And , and, you know, one of the things that happens is that everyone blames women, men blame women for what women wear. Have you been to the shops lately and tried to buy decent clothes? You can't find anything. Mhm. Right. The kids are 12-13 years old, they wear clothes that are suitable for strip clubs, and that's what they're being sold. So the world, as it is , sexualizes itself. Yes. And we must live in this . This will require something radical, uh , uh, what's the word? Stop everything. And then get married quickly. Get married quickly. Hey, can I subscribe to your post? I have a
(32:11)Marry Quickly?
cousin who's a pastor, but I really admired him, and he was saying the same thing you said recently, and I was like, " Dude, I'm surprised to hear that from you, and he has an app. Yeah. Which is on his own pastor's phone so he can monitor his own eyes. Yeah." And so, you know, I want us to be wives, as I heard it from my cousin who was also married, and his wife can hold him accountable, his pastors, uh, also get a report of what he sees on the phone. Uh, I think it's important for us to take these things seriously. Yes. Um, so no one wants to seem like a hypocrite. Nobody wants to seem spiritual, right? But this is a challenge. Yes. We, we, we, I said it, our societies have evolved, haven't they? Our standards as a society have evolved, and we have achieved these lofty ideals. But we, as humans, we haven't evolved that far. We haven't evolved to the point where what we see doesn't matter. We haven't evolved to the point where what we hear doesn't matter. Isn't that right? And there are people who understand this. Isn't that right? You've noticed that when they advertise food, right? They rarely use real food for advertising. Yes. Right. They create this thing that isn't real to lure you in. Right. They calibrate the volume. They calibrate the music, right? Everything is tuned to our inclinations, our weaknesses as humans, everything is designed to put us in a vulnerable position. And the goal is not always a good goal. It's not always the Taco Bell they're trying to sell you. Well, I don't know about that, but sometimes it's a way of life . Yes. This opens you up to all sorts of negative things. Yeah, you know, some of the celebrities that we , uh, celebrate and the lives that they live. This is the worst. And the coolest. Good. Um, no, that was good. Thanks for this answer , PF. And this next question...I'll just read it as it is, and I urge the two of us to just let PF do its thing, because obviously this person specifically asked you, asked you. Yes. And also because it is somewhat vulnerable. I don't want to interfere. So it literally says:
(34:49)Masturbation and Temptation
ask PF directly. Uh, how did you overcome the temptation to masturbate, PF? I've been away for years and have gotten off porn, but it's something I can't seem to get rid of as a single adult . How did you cope with this before marriage? I got married very young. I was an unbeliever, and when you're an unbeliever, no matter what you do, everything goes smoothly, right? I was a lewd unbeliever . I was saved in 1993 and married in 1998. I was 29 when I got married. So I didn't have much time to deal with different things. But then again , what do you feed your mind? Right? I found that even as a 57- year-old man, if I sit down and listen to some music, you know, romantic music, not even straight rap, what you listen to happens, sometimes it happens, you can go out and hang out with your friends, baby, and you, and you, and you, just, you know, seriously, you can go to a restaurant , yeah, I went to a restaurant once... Um, uh, I won't say the name of the restaurant, but it was a good restaurant. Mhm. Right. And they played very good music. Thank God my wife was there. I could reach her, right? I could reach my wife, right? Imagine a lonely person going to this restaurant if I reach out to someone else and there's nothing there. That's not what you should read, is it? This is not what you should read. So, honestly, it's really hard, it takes discipline, so as not to expose yourself, yeah, to those things that ignite love, right? That's a lot. And the Holy Spirit can give it to you. You may fall from time to time. You can, you can, you can , you can trip and fall, but you get up right, but when you don't even try... You don't even try. You just say, "Holy Spirit, help me." And, as you say, it will help you. As soon as you leave this place , you turn on, uh, whiskey, or you turn on, um, um, uh, what's that guy like? What is his name? No, there are other guys. There's Davido who's not there, there's one guy who's not there, there's another guy, no, no. Take it. Yes. Oh, why are you... There's this song that I like. I like this song too. What song is this? What song is this? How do you just...What song is this? What song is this? Oh, yes. Tell me. Tell me. Oh, yes. Tell me a song. Tell me a song. Tell me a song. These are those Afro-beat hits. Then there is amateur. A. Then there's R&B, right? And then there's the Maxwell revival, right? And oh, there's this thing that everyone goes to at old concerts, right? But ultimately, when you listen to these things, if you're married, you reach out to your spouse. Mmm. If you're not married, what are you reaching for? But you will reach for something. Even some people are drawn to something other than their spouse. No, seriously. If you are reaching out to someone other than your spouse, then the problem is not external, but internal . Amen. Amen. So I sympathize with the brother, but you, brother , try and try, and you know, porn-porn with pawns is like porn, it's like porn, it's like
(38:39)Porn Rewires the Brain
the devil showed up with horns. Mmm. Right. Porn is like the devil showing up with horns. It's like a blatantly obvious thing. Yes. Yes. It's kind of straight in the face. But I know that porn is absolutely accurate, because porn isn't just for that nice thought, right? I sincerely want to apologize on behalf of the podcast and please forgive me . And I don't know why today. No, but she's right. In any case, it's the same thing . Mmm. It's actually the same thing. Right. And if I'm with women, I think porn has less of an effect on women, but it's less porn and more music and the emotional spikes that these things cause. I mean, it's raw sexuality. Is n't it? I have no illusions that all women are bad. You like good tea. Sorry. What? Oh, sorry. Sorry. Goodbye. Goodbye. I'm so sorry. But the point I'm trying to get across is that after you , you know, you think, "Oh, I'm not doing porn anymore, right? "So, you're fine." And that's great. And that's a big relief, is n't it? Because porn is addictive. It reprograms your brain. How alcohol and drugs reprogram your brain, right? But what else? Yes. What else do you need to throw out of this closet? You know, even some of the clothes that you wear, you know, the way they make you feel, and after you wear them, you know, Mati Mati Matthew Mati, our producer, guys, Mati, one of our producers, Mr. Producer, Mr. Filmmaker, Mr. Filmmaker, Mr. Moneymaker. Oh, my days. OK. So, that's the next question. This is a question, um, between
(40:44)Sex, Marriage, and Communication
sex and marriage. OK. And the question is, um, so the question is basically this: when you're married to someone, and one of the parties, let's say the woman doesn't want to have another child, but the man wants another child, and he intentionally gets the woman pregnant. How did she spread her legs now? Question. Don't rephrase that specific question, okay? I mean, they were doing it now, but she didn't want to get pregnant. Good. Mhm. And she doesn't want to take birth control . Good. Right. I mean, people were different. Yes. Hmm, and so they had an agreement, but then, you know, what agreement? That they won't have another child. Then how can they have a child who won't have a child? She ended the pregnancy on time and went to school. M. Okay. What is happening? Wait, pause. Let me show you...Let's get started. So, basically, she's pregnant now, but she doesn't want another child. Mhm. So what advice would you give them as a couple? Their...their problem is not the child. The problem is with both of them. In the way they communicate. Mhm. Right. First, you don't want a child, but you are engaged in an activity, right, that will, right, create a child. Mhm. Right. This is number one. You don't want a child, and you interact with someone, right, in some activity, right, who says, " I want a child." Mhm. Right. This is all problematic. Right. And then the person who cheats on you, right, who says, "Oh, I'm not going to do that" and does it, right? The problem is more than just the child. The problem is more than just the child, right? And I...I think they need to sit down with someone, right? There is a lack of respect here. There's a lack of trust here, right? And here wisdom is lacking. There is a lot missing in this situation . They need to sit down with someone they can actually tell what's going on, because honestly, this guy is a jerk and she's very stupid . My God . Are you okay, guys? You said Jack and his last name. Another time I said you said idiot. The idiot and Jack. Yes, that's exactly what I mean . It sounds like I said that if you know someone , someone will click on it and make you go viral. Good. Good. Next question. Next question. Good. It says here: um, I don't work, and my husband runs the household himself . I feel like I'm being led by something that won't bring immediate income, and I hesitate. I hesitate. I am torn between complete submission to the saint. This is a problem. I am torn between fully submitting to the Holy Spirit and pursuing something more financially sensible. How do I navigate this season wisely? So the question is, how do you distinguish god from God-driven convention from a convenient excuse? So, I don't hear what my husband is thinking. So, first of all, what does a man feel? What does the man think? Sounds like it's not a priority, right? Yes, I have a burden for my husband, don't I? But is your husband with you on whether the Holy Spirit is asking you to do this? Mhm. Right. Is this just you? Right. So I don't feel like I'm not...I don't know the whole story , but on the question...I don't feel like a virtuous person. Right. Her concern about the financial burden on the family is not...I'm not impressed by it. Right? I would really like her to say that my husband and I agreed , that's right, agreed that he would bear the burden this season. Mhm. Right. And I will be doing something that may not be immediately financially rewarding, but later my husband and I agreed that we would make money now. Mhm. And then we will follow what happens later. Right? But all I hear is...it... it doesn't work or shouldn't work like that in a marriage. Yes. So I would encourage you to talk to your husband and decide together which path you want to take, because the Bible says that in the mouth of two or three witnesses the truth is established. The fact that you feel the Holy Spirit speaking to you when you are married to your spouse is confirmation. Yes. Their agreement or disagreement is confirmation or cancellation. Hmm. Because anyone can say that the Holy Spirit told him to go and be the master of the universe. Amen. Good. Then we will move. Yes. Further. So, this category is purpose, calling, and ambition. So, a little. So this speaks to finding your calling. How do I find my calling in life? You already talked about this in another episode. I spoke about this at church recently. Yes. Yes. But I mean, it'll be good. How do I find my calling in life? And how do we and how do I know that I am where I am supposed to be? Is a calling a destination or a direction? A calling is a direction. This is the way. Right. But you will not find this path without being faithful to what God has already placed in your hands. Right. So wait. Say it, say it again. You won't find your way unless you are true to where you stand. Of course. Right. Wherever you stand, whether it's your path , whether it's your calling, whatever it is , even if it's prison. Mhm. Joseph was faithful as a slave. He knew that his destiny was not to be a slave. He knew that his calling was not to be a slave. Yes. He was faithful, wasn't he ? God showed him that all these wonderful things would happen. But he was in prison . He didn't fold his hands and say, "Okay, God, get me out of here so I can do all these wonderful things." Mhm. He was faithful as a slave, faithful as a prisoner, was n't he? And this faithfulness opened the door for him, yes, to what God had destined for him. People do not appreciate the value of fidelity in the revelation of fate. We are looking for helpers in fate. You are your main assistant in fate. Where are you now, what God is like, the responsibilities and obligations that God has placed in your hands. Yes. Be faithful and diligent with them. So, if you are a father seeking your calling, be faithful as a father. If that's all you have, be a faithful and diligent father. If all you have is that you are an employee of a terrible company, be faithful and diligent there. This will open the door. God will use this and open doors for you. Right? The Bible says, "He who serves as a deacon well is approved of." Right. A deacon is simply an assistant. Yes. Right. Assistant. Help. Well, yes. And he will open the door for you to become a bishop. Mhm. Right. People want to jump from where they are to where the sun, the moon, and everything else bows down to them. And that's not how it works. The Bible says that if you are not faithful with what is another's , no one will give you what is your own. And if you are not faithful in little, no one will give you much. Mhm. Right. I've seen people all the time , you know, I'm a pastor of a church, and there are a lot of gifted people who come to church, right? And some people see the stage as a platform, right? And they want to walk from the entrance to the stage, right? Not wanting to be faithful. So you entrust someone with the most insignificant things not because you don't recognize their talents, but because, can I trust you? This thing you are asking for has value . Why should I give it to you just because you said so, right? No, I want to see that you are faithful. I want to see that you are consistent. I want to see that you're reliable, that you're not going to leave me because, you know, you woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Mmm. Right. But people don't want to do that. Yes. So you know what? They complain and lament that no one recognizes their talents. I recognize your talents. I just didn't see your character. Now it seems to be taking me in a different direction. What if you've done everything and then it still doesn't work? What if you were faithful? What if you are? How do you know when to change course? You continue to be faithful. It seems that if, if I have the opportunity to change course, I will definitely change course. Mhm. Right. If the door opens to change course, I change course. But I can't open the door. Right. God opens the door. But if there is no door , right? Let me tell you a short story. When I served in the City of David, I...I so wanted to not be where I was. Mhm. But no doors opened. I did everything. I submitted an application. I spoke. Nothing happened. All I could do during this period was what I did. Mhm. And I did it. And one day I got so tired of doing it. I went to the Lord to tell me to stay there. And I stayed there, and I stayed there, and I stayed there, and I thought I was going to die there. And suddenly, literally out of the blue, the door opens, and if someone had told me that this door would open, I would have said it was impossible. Someone who swore I wouldn't do it wakes up one day and says, "You know I'm going to do it, and you're the person I'm going to use to do it." And that's what changed my life in that one day. Wow, in that one day. So, yeah, if you have the chance, come back, right? Because this opportunity is an open door, right? But sometimes there are no opportunities. Yes. What are you doing? You stay where you are. Yes, is it difficult? Do you remember when, what was her name? Hagga. Mmm. Hagga said, "Uh, Sarah was awful to me." And she left. And she left. " Lord, come back." Trials, ordeals, and heat then killed her in the desert. An angel appeared to her and said, “Return. I commanded you to bless there." And Ishmael inherited from Abraham. Ishmael inherited as a son from Abraham. Mmm. Hagar would have spared him that. Right. And that's what worries me, given our focus on immediate comfort. This spoils a lot of things. We are not a stable generation. We are impatient. Many times we throw away food before it finishes cooking . And this is cooking . As humans, this is why we like fast food. God does not operate on this schedule. Yes. You, you, you, you will see, they will season you well. Yes. There is no McDonald's in heaven. There is no McDonald's in heaven. God does not follow the McDonald principle. Yes. Maybe it depends on you. Um, okay. So this is a question that I sincerely feel for this person. Yes, it says: “The Bible says that God gives us free will. But if not doing his word means hell, how does that work? "It sounds like parents saying, 'Do whatever you want, but if you do what I say, you'll be punished.' " If you don't do what I say, you will be punished." "So this is a choice with one acceptable answer? Really a choice? You have free will. Choose life and live. Choose death and die. That's it. So that's the thing, isn't it? If the outcome is like this, then if I tell you, right, choose between this ice cream, right, which is, um, what's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Butter pecan. Okay. So wait, wait, let me finish, let me finish. Choose between butter pecan or butter pecan. Did I give you a choice? No. That's right. So I'm going to say, choose which flavor of ice cream you hate? Be careful. I think chocolate—it's just to get it down to its core. You're basic. Okay. So, pecan for the body or chocolate. And that's a choice. It's a choice. So these rules are good for you, but you don't have to follow them. If you don't follow them, this is what happens. If you follow them, this is what happens. It's a choice. It's free will. Free will is the ability to choose. Choose the right, and if I take away..." negative I didn't give you a choice, maybe we should just take away the negative so I can feel, then it's all a choice, then it's not a choice, then it's not a choice, what if you choose not to have a choice, if you choose not to have a choice, it's a choice, yeah, so take away the negative, take away my negative, please, I could just unfortunately, unfortunately, that's not how it works, unfortunately, that's not how it works , and do you know why it doesn't work, because that's beyond the scope of this. It comes down to the reason you were created. Mhm. God created us so that we could have, so that we could choose Him . But in order for us to choose Him, He must be a true choice. Right. And for this to be a true choice, He must give us free will. With consequences so that He could be truly free will. Yes. Amen. That's good. Glory to the Lord. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Good. So, another question: why do bad things happen to good people? Why are good people? What happens to bad people? Mhm. I know. Why? Why? Good. I mean, your word is yours. So who is good at communication? Why? So who is a good person and who is a bad person? That's a good question. Who is a good person? Who is a bad person? Someone who is kind to you is a good person, right ? They follow the fruit of the spirit.” He said, “No, the Bible doesn’t say that. Who is a good person? Who is a bad person? That's a good question. Right. Usually we are the parameters by which we decide who is a good person and who is a bad one. Correct . Very subjective, very egocentric. Right. And also very ignorant. I only know what I see about your life. I do n't know the rest of your life. Mhm. Now I see you, you are a good girl. I don’t know if there’s a bad girl behind you. M I have no idea what you're doing, except what I see. I know. So saying you're a good person is a bit presumptuous. Well, as far as I know, she's a good person. Yes. Kat's experience with me may be different. Right. So we have this, you know, very important attitude, like: why do bad things happen to good people? Do I know they are good people? Do I know what they did? Do I know if they killed anyone yesterday? I don't know. So there are assumptions about these things, and then let's put that aside, that there's no one who has anything lasting in them. Hmm. We have sin, and that sin attracts bad things. Hmm. Point. So good things happen to good people, bad things happen to them too. Bad things happen to bad people, and good things happen too. This is the problem with the world we live in. Sin entered, and sin opened the door for bad things, and bad things have equal opportunity. They do not discriminate. Absolutely not. Yes. That is why we cover ourselves with the blood of Jesus. Amen. So that the angels who bring evil may pass us by. Amen. Sometimes not. Is there any lesson we learned from this? The only lesson is what the Lord allows. No. And I think it's a "no," but I just wanted to say, because I remember him saying something like, "Don't be so quick to say, ' Why me?'" Well, I'm like, "What, why did this happen?" Understand it from there, not like this: “In this world, right in this world, everything will happen. " Everything will happen." If you think you are free from something, you are creating even more heartache for yourself. But if you realize that you know something is going to happen when it does n't, you won't have a tantrum that won't destroy your faith in God, because you understand what Paul said: " Consider it all joy when you fall into various temptations and trials, because we know that these temporary difficulties are working out for us a far greater glory." If you understand this, then consider it all joy. Yes, that's good. No. And I want to say something here, obviously this is the last episode of season 4, and this is the fourth season. That's right, that was great . I can't believe we've done four seasons. We did four seasons. Applause to everyone involved in the production, everyone who participated. I sincerely congratulate you all. It was wonderful. Hmm, so many questions, and we appreciate your questions. But we would make 80,000 episodes if we watched them all. But keep writing them. Well, PF, it seems like all the questions are focused on the good and the bad. Hmm, yes. Some people feel that something that happened to them is bad. The situation with the spouse, whatever. Hmm, just to wrap us up, hmm, what can you say, is one thing you know, how would you say to all of us, again, we have fun on the podcast, right? But this is Christ, the church, and our world. You're telling all of us listening, even us here, to hold on, and it underscores why, as you said earlier, why we are, why we've been called, for lack of a better word. I would say, hold on to the truth that Christ loved you and died for you. Hold on to the truth that he died for you, and his death for you was intentional , right? To make sure that anything that is causing problems in your relationship with God is taken care of. I think this is your camera. That was really good. Yes, I think it's yours. Yes. Yes. Everything that is causing problems in your relationship with God has been paid for. Right. There is no problem between you and God. No matter what is happening in your life, there is no problem between you and God. If anyone takes anything away from this season with this episode, it's that there's nothing wrong with being in Christ, you and God are good. Whatever is happening, it is not because there is a problem between you and God. So take that out of consideration. Yes. God is not your problem. Right. God is the one who has your problem, not God. And if God is for you, who can be against you? Hallelujah. I felt that no one, no one, was right, so Paul said, “What can separate us from the love of God? No one, nothing, nothing on this earth, underground, in the water, in the village, in the headquarters, nothing can separate you from the love of God, that's good." That's the only thing I want you to leave with. Yes, I mean, that in itself was sensational. Um, again, subscribe, we're almost at the 20k mark, and as you're talking, I was thinking, "Why ask these amazing people to just reach 20k?" I'm not asking for more, am I ? But too much, too much is expected of him. I know. Yes. But you get the point , right? Again, we appreciate your tagging along with me. Um, it was a good season. He is wonderful. Thank you. See you later. We're not done yet. Season five is coming soon. Of course. Later. Good. Peace. This is its beginning.